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Hazelino's favorite FMLs
Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. FML
by Max Flynn / 05/20/2011 at 6:07am / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML
by scruffy / 05/10/2011 at 1:24pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, I searched frantically for my glasses for ages. After giving up, I realised I could see perfectly. I had been wearing them the whole time and neither my mother nor my father told me because "it was far too funny" watching me yell "Where the fuck are they?" FML
by Kyle / 05/10/2011 at 6:48am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally mustered the courage to tell my crush how I feel. He's a straight-A student and very nice in general. After I finished pouring my heart out, he stared at me for a bit and then said: "Nice rack." FML
by Dana / 05/10/2011 at 4:36am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy
by Nick / 05/10/2011 at 3:37am / Philippines (Quezon City) / Miscellaneous
by starcatch777 / 05/09/2011 at 4:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, an unpaid intern had his first day at my workplace of seven years. As a joke, my boss gave him the same challenge she gave me on my first day. The intern completed it in 37 minutes. We've always been told it's impossible. Guess we all have to start working harder. FML
by 19apollo91 / 05/09/2011 at 1:33pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Work
by wtfseriously / 05/09/2011 at 1:22pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by coldwetnose / 05/09/2011 at 2:08am / United States / Intimacy
Today, after being out of the closet for over three years, I learned that some of my friends still don't believe me that I am really a lesbian. They still think I made the whole thing up because I can't get a man. FML
by Just_do_it_17 / 05/09/2011 at 12:03am / United States / Love
Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML
by Thatslife / 03/26/2011 at 3:29pm / Netherlands (Friesland) / Intimacy
Today, I got 2 creams for a skin condition. The one for my face says "Don't expose skin to sun after use of this product". The one for the rest of my body says "This product relies on exposure to the sun". In other words, I have to be outside as much as I can, naked and with a box on my head. FML
by FromNL / 03/25/2011 at 8:22am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
Today, I was worried about passing an exam, so I hid a note under my skirt. When the guy next to me was finished, I had to get up so he could leave. With no time to hide the note, I stood in front of the entire class, hand over my crotch, looking as if I had to pee. FML
by Anonymous / 03/18/2011 at 12:14pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…