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HazelXHeart's favorite FMLs
by grubbieduc / 10/06/2011 at 12:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML
by Beeisc00l / 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm / Reserved / Animals
by pvtcab / 10/05/2011 at 2:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Money
by UglyApparently / 10/05/2011 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Work
by princesspuffypan / 10/05/2011 at 2:23am / South Africa / Love
Today, I went to the movies on a date. I went to pay for the tickets when I realized that I didn't have my wallet. Instead of my boyfriend paying, he laughed and paid for his own ticket. Then he went ahead and saw the movie without me. FML
by myBFsucks / 10/05/2011 at 12:16am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by Nickolas Neffster / 10/04/2011 at 8:14pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML
by Username / 10/04/2011 at 8:02pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/04/2011 at 2:31pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 10/04/2011 at 12:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals
Today, I saw a girl wearing a Nirvana shirt. Since Nirvana has been my favorite band for a long time, I tried striking up a conversation with her. Turns out she doesn't even listen to them, and only bought the shirt because she "liked the smiley face." FML
by storksleuth / 10/04/2011 at 4:57am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML
by friskeyk14 / 10/04/2011 at 3:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML
by backtosquareone / 10/04/2011 at 1:22am / Asia/Pacific Region / Love
Today, at work I got an urgent message from my boyfriend that there was an emergency and I should come home immediately. I took my last personal day of the month and drove the half-hour home. The emergency? The cat had vomited on the comforter. FML
by Anonymous / 10/04/2011 at 12:48am / United States (Iowa) / Animals
Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML
by danii / 10/03/2011 at 9:19pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…