About HazelXHeart : Hey there :) Vegan pizza is AWESOME!!!
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HazelXHeart's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 2:58pm / United States (Maryland) / Animals
Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML
by DMStarsky / 10/21/2011 at 1:19pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't go to work, she's actually been seeing another guy purely for sex, and each time he gives her money to "support her unemployment." Pretty sure that means I'm dating a prostitute. FML
by prostitutes boyfriend / 10/21/2011 at 10:55am / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Intimacy
Today, I called my very overprotective father, and he took the time to tell me how proud he was of me for finally finding a good and respectable boyfriend. And that he was sorry he misjudged. I was calling for bail money to get my "good, respectable" boyfriend out of jail. FML
by hatetodisappoint / 10/21/2011 at 2:32am / United States / Love
Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML
by Dv0829 / 10/21/2011 at 1:42am / United States (Utah) / Animals
Today, my roomie had guests over. I didn't feel like socializing, but I really had to piss. So I pissed in the plant in my room, spilled half of it, mopped it up with an old shirt, and went to bed. FML
by crankg / 10/21/2011 at 12:57am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by skinny dipper / 10/20/2011 at 10:48pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by box bulge / 10/20/2011 at 9:24pm / China / Health
by Anonymous / 10/20/2011 at 9:13pm / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, I called my boyfriend to see if he wanted to come over to my house. He said he couldn't because he was out of town. That would have be perfectly acceptable, if I hadn't called him on his house phone. FML
by cmd102 / 10/20/2011 at 5:18pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I came home crying and informed my mother that someone had called me a 'fat bitch' today. She held me at arms length, looked me straight in the eyes, and lovingly said, "You can't change who you are." FML
by Anonymous / 10/20/2011 at 12:16pm / Ireland (Meath) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister finally broke down and told me that our dad gambled away of all my college savings, and I would have to pay for school the best way I can. They have known for months, and when I asked why nobody told me, the reply was, "You're a college boy, we thought you would figure it out." FML
by FATS DOMINO / 10/20/2011 at 11:39am / United States (Maryland) / Money
Today, it was our 5th anniversary, so I decided to play a little joke on my girlfriend. Before I gave her the real present, an engagement ring, I gave her a gift-wrapped rolling pin instead. I ended up in the hospital. FML
by Awie / 10/20/2011 at 4:26am / Austria (Wien) / Love
by Habit / 10/19/2011 at 6:42pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Work
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…