About HazelXHeart : Hey there :) Vegan pizza is AWESOME!!!
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I agree, their lives suck
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HazelXHeart's favorite FMLs
Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML
by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Delaware) / Work
by solitaire / 07/20/2013 at 4:14am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML
by WTF / 07/14/2013 at 4:08pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
by JimmyT / 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Work
Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML
by maybe dead in a day / 01/20/2013 at 2:28pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML
by sonofahypocriticalwhore / 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by msassy / 05/18/2012 at 10:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/27/2012 at 11:54am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by daughterofanazi / 02/08/2012 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Love
by BoringFucker / 02/06/2012 at 4:52pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Animals
Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML
by lorahayes / 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous
by jackgrant / 12/06/2011 at 8:01pm / Iran Islamic Republic of / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/20/2011 at 12:10pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, my landlady cut off the Internet to my flat. She says she has no use for it, and doesn't want to keep it anymore. I have 3 online assignments due in the next week, and finals the following week. FML
by nyatzz / 11/16/2011 at 1:32am / United States (Florida) / Work
by anxiety / 11/16/2011 at 12:11am / United States (Oregon) / Health
- Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one… Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the… Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,…