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Harry641's favorite FMLs
Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML
by RachelDC / 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm / United States (West Virginia) / Animals
Today, I was working at a soup kitchen with people from my church. Seeing a rather disheveled couple, I told them the line started "over there". Only then did I realize that they were from my church, and were there to help serve soup. FML
by zyordz / 06/27/2009 at 12:12am / Peru (Huanuco) / Miscellaneous
Today, I brought a friend who I have loved for years out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I ordered an expensive bottle of wine, and poured each of us a glass. As I was about to tell her I loved her, she raised her glass for a toast and said "A toast to friendship!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/25/2009 at 6:24pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I got a call from my son's second grade teacher. He happens to write and throw with both hands, and wanted to share this during show and tell. Apparently, he didn't know the word for this is ambidextrous, because his teacher told me, "Your son just told the whole class that he's bisexual!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/22/2009 at 2:12pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/18/2009 at 3:17am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2009 at 8:47pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, I was cleaning out my fiancé's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML
by vickyxanne / 06/12/2009 at 8:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent causing the girl to scream and runaway. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML
by Baggabbles123 / 06/08/2009 at 7:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML
by Anonymous / 06/05/2009 at 12:28am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
by herve / 05/22/2009 at 3:50pm / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Intimacy
by Oblivious / 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm / Kuwait / Love
Today, I paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist, only to walk out looking like Spock from Star Trek. The worst part was the stylist asked me, "Hey, are you going to see that new Star Trek movie?" and tried to talk me into watching it. Now, wherever I go, people are giving me the 'live long and prosper' sign. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2009 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/10/2009 at 5:40pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
by Lifeguard / 04/04/2009 at 3:03pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood (I am a hispanic male), and a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. FML
by Michaelichael / 03/28/2009 at 4:17pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous