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Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24900) - you deserved it (1825)
On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, a friend was put on suicide watch when her parents wouldn't pay $500 for a premium senior picture package. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16392) - you deserved it (1762)
On 05/22/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by AwkwardHaole808 - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35918) - you deserved it (9843)
On 05/17/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27172) - you deserved it (35182)
On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)
Today, I was in the middle of having a shower when I noticed a camera hidden in the corner of the room pointing directly towards the shower which I stood in butt-naked. I live by myself and have recently only moved in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55746) - you deserved it (2581)
On 04/28/2013 at 6:30am - misc - by wtfisgoingon (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68899) - you deserved it (3077)
On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States
Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39200) - you deserved it (3957)
On 04/18/2013 at 12:01am - money - by some people's parents - United States (Colorado)
Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38812) - you deserved it (4148)
On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, my social teacher thought it would be a great idea to have a casual debate about Margaret Thatcher and her legacy. Within 10 minutes, the entire class was yelling, screaming, throwing stuff at each other. I got hit in the face with a binder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31912) - you deserved it (2593)
On 04/10/2013 at 8:40pm - misc - by great idea - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40812) - you deserved it (4245)
On 04/10/2013 at 6:17pm - love - by drama king? (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40627) - you deserved it (4301)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my halitosis was so bad that when I blew onto my solution in chemistry class, it reacted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22984) - you deserved it (7005) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/09/2013 at 6:29am - health - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version
Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32344) - you deserved it (7302)
On 04/08/2013 at 5:17am - intimacy - by dancekat (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29567) - you deserved it (6072)
On 04/07/2013 at 9:47pm - health - by poopy pants - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37838) - you deserved it (3011)
On 04/05/2013 at 2:51pm - health - by what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god (man) - Singapore
Monday 20 May 2013
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