Hannahmgp

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Hannahmgp

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 1 October 1989 (27 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2691
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Hannahmgp's page activity

Visits<b>woodencoffin</b> - the 11/24/2012 at 5:05am<b>WiseGuy79</b> - the 10/30/2012 at 5:48pm

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Hannahmgp's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was using my computer, my cat ran up to the power strip, looked me in the eyes, and hit the power switch, turning everything off. She does this quite often. FML

by stop it ninja / 10/14/2012 at 3:00am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

by RawrSparkle / 09/21/2012 at 3:31am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

by RawrSparkle / 09/21/2012 at 3:31am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, during a family dinner, my favourite underwire bra got tired of its job and tried to shish-kebab my boobs. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2012 at 5:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML

by itwasmyfavoriteshirt / 08/16/2012 at 3:28pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, thanks to a new form of birth control, I've now been having my period non-stop for six weeks. FML

by theflow / 08/15/2012 at 1:08pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Health

Today, I spent five dollars on a virtual cat. FML

by bobbeta30 / 01/11/2012 at 11:33am / United States (New York) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a freshman set off the fire alarm in my dorm at 2 a.m. He tried to microwave Easy Mac without adding water. I had to stand outside for 45 minutes while the firemen moved the noodles to the sink and ran cold water over them. FML

by CRC / 11/23/2011 at 10:38am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2011 at 3:29am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:26am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

by mannydanny / 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 5 year old fish died. As I was flushing him, he started swimming again. FML

by dukebluedevils13 / 08/04/2011 at 9:47pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML

by Burned / 06/04/2011 at 8:54pm / United States / Love

Today, we were going to Disney World all the way from North Carolina. After 12 hours of driving, my kids started fighting and complaining. My husband finally said, "If I hear you guys one more time we're turning around and going back home." They annoyed him once again, and we actually went home. FML

by jaimie / 03/19/2011 at 12:00pm / United States (Florida) / Kids