HJB

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HJB

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2293
  • Number of comments : 35
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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HJB's page activity

Visits<b>cjl1028</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 5:47pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 10/20/2015 at 11:11pm<b>swampbaby985</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 8:47am<b>vlader08</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 5:49pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 4:41pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 7:27pm<b>Gunguy</b> - the 06/26/2013 at 1:52am<b>kittycatxo</b> - the 05/09/2013 at 12:33am<b>Tika876</b> - the 04/04/2013 at 1:59am<b>jangalianxi</b> - the 12/22/2012 at 2:29am<b>Cuervo23</b> - the 11/22/2011 at 12:51am<b>lmc94</b> - the 10/10/2011 at 1:27am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:41pm<b>harrieslinger</b> - the 08/11/2011 at 8:20pm<b>hellokitty3</b> - the 06/25/2011 at 11:11pm<b>Riiley</b> - the 06/20/2011 at 11:37am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 06/09/2011 at 9:02am<b>CorinnaHEY</b> - the 06/07/2011 at 11:50pm

HJB's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

HJB's favorite FMLs

Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2011 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Love

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Love

Today, I was walking to school. I started running to catch up with my friend. I yelled her name, and she turned around in time to watch me slip on a sheet of ice, fall face first, and pass out. When she ran to my side, I unconsciously peed on her. FML

by anonymous / 10/16/2010 at 11:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking to school. I started running to catch up with my friend. I yelled her name, and she turned around in time to watch me slip on a sheet of ice, fall face first, and pass out. When she ran to my side, I unconsciously peed on her. FML

by anonymous / 10/16/2010 at 11:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my four year old daughter pulled her pants down in the middle of Best Buy. Apparently, you can smell the farts better when they don't have to pass through clothing. FML

by Username / 10/04/2010 at 1:48am / Kids

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman asked me what came on a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. Trying not to laugh, I respond, "Bacon, egg, and cheese." She then realizes the stupidity of her question, and launches three dollars worth of quarters at my face and says, "Laugh at that, jerk." FML

by lyssuhhhh / 09/26/2010 at 7:14pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 10:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML

by human torch / 03/18/2010 at 11:22am / United States / Health

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2010 at 1:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought Plan B for the first time. Not because I had unprotected sex, but to make the cashier think someone would actually sleep with me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/26/2010 at 6:11am / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy

Today, I was with my friend and her entire family at a restaurant. While we were eating, her brother who is really cute asked what "brown sauce" is. I said thats probably 'penis' sauce. I'd meant to say 'peanut sauce' but the damage was done. The entire family just stared. FML

by princess4242 / 02/26/2010 at 4:10am / India (Delhi) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hung out with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. We were cuddling on the couch when he suddenly stands up. I thought he was going to hug me, but then he turned around, pinned my shoulders back so I couldn't move, and farted in my face. FML

by LoveStruck- / 02/10/2010 at 2:29am / United States / Love

Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML

by buhknee / 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy