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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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HJB

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HJB
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1375
  • Number of comments : 35
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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HJB's favorite FMLs

Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML

#15001986 (80)

I agree, your life sucks (21727) - you deserved it (1926)

On 02/16/2011 at 12:03pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML

#14608701 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (24906) - you deserved it (4294) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I was walking to school. I started running to catch up with my friend. I yelled her name, and she turned around in time to watch me slip on a sheet of ice, fall face first, and pass out. When she ran to my side, I unconsciously peed on her. FML

#13471271 (76)

I agree, your life sucks (20454) - you deserved it (2589)

On 10/16/2010 at 11:18am - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my four year old daughter pulled her pants down in the middle of Best Buy. Apparently, you can smell the farts better when they don't have to pass through clothing. FML

#13312784 (186)

I agree, your life sucks (22466) - you deserved it (3494)

On 10/04/2010 at 1:48am - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman asked me what came on a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. Trying not to laugh, I respond, "Bacon, egg, and cheese." She then realizes the stupidity of her question, and launches three dollars worth of quarters at my face and says, "Laugh at that, jerk." FML

#13212563 (240)

I agree, your life sucks (23143) - you deserved it (3996)

On 09/26/2010 at 7:14pm - work - by lyssuhhhh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

#13188457 (61)

I agree, your life sucks (18099) - you deserved it (1572)

On 09/24/2010 at 10:35pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML

#9184901 (388)

I agree, your life sucks (42937) - you deserved it (4389)

On 03/18/2010 at 11:22am - health - by human torch - United States

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

#8680968 (82)

I agree, your life sucks (15544) - you deserved it (1804)

On 02/27/2010 at 1:36am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I bought Plan B for the first time. Not because I had unprotected sex, but to make the cashier think someone would actually sleep with me. FML

#8658890 (233)

I agree, your life sucks (7925) - you deserved it (26086)

On 02/26/2010 at 6:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I was with my friend and her entire family at a restaurant. While we were eating, her brother who is really cute asked what "brown sauce" is. I said thats probably 'penis' sauce. I'd meant to say 'peanut sauce' but the damage was done. The entire family just stared. FML

#8658331 (91)

I agree, your life sucks (7553) - you deserved it (12189)

On 02/26/2010 at 4:10am - misc - by princess4242 (woman) - India (Delhi)

Today, I hung out with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. We were cuddling on the couch when he suddenly stands up. I thought he was going to hug me, but then he turned around, pinned my shoulders back so I couldn't move, and farted in my face. FML

#8079585 (214)

I agree, your life sucks (25755) - you deserved it (3871)

On 02/10/2010 at 2:29am - love - by LoveStruck- - United States

Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML

#6439149 (409)

I agree, your life sucks (57265) - you deserved it (8514)

On 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by buhknee - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was eating M&Ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

#5187635 (136)

I agree, your life sucks (45750) - you deserved it (10321)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494 (859)

I agree, your life sucks (85940) - you deserved it (50905)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)