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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16488) - you deserved it (4283)
On 06/20/2012 at 10:09am - animals - by anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, I was having dinner with my college friends to celebrate the end of our first year. I said really great things about them as individuals. The only thing they had to say to me was, "Thanks for being the token black friend." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17350) - you deserved it (1953)
On 05/14/2012 at 10:23pm - misc - by foreverbrown (man) - United States
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (9700) - you deserved it (39855) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France
Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8163) - you deserved it (45132)
On 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by brooke (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls out and says, "Pull my penis." So I pulled his penis and he farted. Then he started doing it again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29368) - you deserved it (5243)
On 11/16/2011 at 12:27am - intimacy - by halloweed (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25258) - you deserved it (3168)
On 11/14/2011 at 12:09am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25376) - you deserved it (36765)
On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States
Today, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and told me that if I wanted to join the Lingerie Football League, I would have his approval. His drunken friends nodded in agreement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25097) - you deserved it (2064)
On 08/26/2011 at 7:32pm - misc - by Alexis - United States (Virginia)
Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10274) - you deserved it (38859)
On 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm - kids - by dummy (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, on the bus, a delusional old man had an extremely long conversation with me, referring to me as "Leslie" and talking about "our childhood together". Not wanting to hurt his feelings I played along. At his stop he got up and grinned at me, saying "I'm kidding. I never knew a Leslie in my life. Nice rack." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32646) - you deserved it (11849)
On 06/26/2011 at 2:12am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29934) - you deserved it (10444)
On 06/14/2011 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by Username - United Kingdom (Lancashire)
Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48211) - you deserved it (6283)
On 06/11/2011 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42857) - you deserved it (6040)
On 06/10/2011 at 1:01am - work - by MakeMeASandwich (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I shat out a staple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31525) - you deserved it (11571)
On 06/09/2011 at 11:04am - health - by wtf - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear "it's not gonna suck itself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39352) - you deserved it (9030)
On 06/07/2011 at 2:51am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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