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Today, I was on a 3 hour plane ride. An elderly man was sitting next to me and before the flight took off, he fell asleep on my shoulder. I decided to be kind and let him sleep. When the flight was about to land, I tried to wake him up. He wouldn't. He died on my shoulder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70787) - you totally deserved it (2651)
On 07/19/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML
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On 07/18/2009 at 9:26pm - misc - by harrysolo (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my 14 year old sister deleted my entire iTunes library, which had every song by The Doors, The Beatles, The Grateful Dead and the Rolling Stones, because she thought my music was "weird." She replaced it with Britney Spears, Panic at the Disco and the Jonas Brothers. FML
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On 07/08/2009 at 7:27pm - kids - by kaleid0scopeEyes (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I found out that my wife had been debating leaving me for an old boyfriend from high school. They rekindled their relationship on Facebook, and talking on the cell phone. Both things I insisted she have. FML
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On 07/08/2009 at 12:16am - love - by lonelyhubby (man) - United States (Idaho)
Today, through AIM, I told my ex boyfriend that I still have really deep feelings for him. The message I sent him was really long and took me almost an hour to write. His response? "Dun dun dunnn, the plot thickens!" Then he signed off. FML
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On 07/07/2009 at 12:04am - love - by Ferthington (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I thought my boyfriend of 6 years was going to propose to me. We're highschool sweethearts and he was my first. Just when he was looking into my eyes he says, " I've been seeing someone else for 2 years and I'm choosing her over you... it was a tough decision". FML
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On 07/06/2009 at 7:27pm - love - by imaloser (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend came over to talk. She just got back from a small vacation. She asked me to feed her dogs while she was gone, so I did. I even stayed with them at times so they wouldnt get lonely. My girlfriend had come over to break up with me. She didn't do so earlier because she needed her dogs fed. FML
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On 07/06/2009 at 4:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was skating with my friends and I decided to go to the gas station to get a pack of cigs. The last thing I remember hearing was "Look out!" I am now with twenty stitches because some idiot bet he could throw a brick farther than another guy. FML
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On 07/06/2009 at 2:49am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my dad told me he knew exactly where to poke me in the stomach to make me have instant diarrhea. I joked and said I didn't believe him. I am now stuck cleaning shit out of my favorite jeans. FML
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On 07/05/2009 at 1:57pm - health - by Stupido (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML
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On 07/04/2009 at 2:07am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was helping my friend with her little sister's birthday party. We were playing a game where you get up and switch seats if you've done a certain thing. One girl said to switch if you've kissed a boy. I watched as 18 12-year-olds switched seats with each other. I stayed sitting. I'm 17. FML
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On 07/03/2009 at 4:09pm - love - by neverbeenkissed (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I exchanged numbers with this guy in the McDonald's drive-thru. When he asked why I gave him my number I told him I thought he had a nice smile. When I asked him the same question, he responded with "I just thought you had a nice rack". FML
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On 07/03/2009 at 12:23pm - love - by dreamer2639 (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my girlfriend left me. The reason? She's not actually a lesbian. She has been using our relationship to piss off her conservative parents. We've been together for over a year, and I've been in love with her for over five. FML
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On 07/02/2009 at 9:33pm - love - by heart-broken (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was working at the library. Some punks thought it would be funny to shit in a book, close it and return it in the drop box. The fact that it was sitting outside in the ninety degree heat for a couple hours did not help the stench; it was everywhere and I had to clean the mess. FML
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On 07/02/2009 at 8:18pm - work - by alwaysxgettingxshitxon (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, while watching The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh with my 5 year old, I realized why the kangaroo's name is Kanga, and why her son's name is Roo. Kanga-Roo. Get it? Yeah. I didn't until today. I'm 47. FML
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On 07/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by slightlyslow (woman) - United States (California)
