Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About GodsPetTaco : I love Death and Speed metal, having a great time with firends and * long awkward pause* BATMAN!!! NANANANANANANANANANANANNANANANANANA BATMAN!
And i cant seem to spell firends.... Firends.. Sigh. FIRENDS
FML i can't spell friends. :O I did it! I Did it! I ARE TEH WINNER!
Message me please! XP. I'll give you my love!
Even more not lonely! XD
Its my love list!
Daaarnit. (Love Heart)
3M4. (Love Heart) x105 :O She just got like 50 loves!
BaBiiSpAnky821. (Love Heart)
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML
Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML
Thursday 11 September 2014