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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was watching tv with my grandpa, and he stops flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote lands on my stomach as my mom and grandma walk in the door. They yelled at me for being a pervert for an hour, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27207) - you deserved it (2897)
On 09/24/2010 at 6:22am - misc - by Andrew - United States (Indiana)
Today, my dad borrowed my new iPad to amuse him while he was in the shower without my knowledge. The iPad is now completely ruined, and my dad is refusing to buy me a new one. He says, "How was I to know that it wasn't waterproof?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32932) - you deserved it (2354)
On 09/22/2010 at 4:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)
Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31076) - you deserved it (10652)
On 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by FYouBoyfriend (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35974) - you deserved it (10384)
On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12049) - you deserved it (28798)
On 08/11/2010 at 9:55pm - misc - by Chris (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31416) - you deserved it (9822)
On 08/09/2010 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Mikey832 (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)
Today, I applied for a job and sent my CV, then realised I sent the example CV I got off the internet. Now they think Bob Brown who lives at 123 Sunshine Street is applying for a job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6195) - you deserved it (22745)
On 08/02/2010 at 5:50am - work - by Julia (woman) - New Zealand (Otago)
Today, while I was at work, I heard one of my employees laughing on the phone. I told him to shut up and get back to work. Turns out he was actually crying because his father had just died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6525) - you deserved it (38055)
On 08/01/2010 at 8:34pm - work - by bloodymatzaball - United States
Today, I went to my friend's house for the first time. As I was pulling up, I called him and asked him if I could use his bathroom. He told me to just go in the back and use it, so i did. As i'm sitting on the toilet, someone knocks on the door and asks me who I am. It wasn't my friend's house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42238) - you deserved it (7841)
On 07/10/2009 at 5:22pm - misc - by whitewater_al (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (11401) - you deserved it (34026)
On 06/14/2009 at 11:54am - intimacy - by Bes (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why he said. "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied". FML
I agree, your life sucks (65818) - you deserved it (2678)
On 06/14/2009 at 1:42am - kids - by andthatshowitgoes (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
I agree, your life sucks (85957) - you deserved it (50908)
On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, as a volunteer at the local daycare, I was with 3 and 4 year olds. They thought it would be funny to trip me and then jump on my back. I hit my elbow hard on the ground. A bunch of pre-schoolers beat me up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32173) - you deserved it (4049)
On 06/06/2009 at 7:46pm - kids - by biotch - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39566) - you deserved it (7626)
On 06/05/2009 at 1:25am - kids - by KPKallery (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes he did! He's lying I saw him drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76616) - you deserved it (3837)
On 06/04/2009 at 8:17am - kids - by Kimmiko (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)
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