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Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20361) - you deserved it (2323)
On 08/05/2011 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by moonstone15 (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML
I agree, your life sucks (82973) - you deserved it (9946)
On 12/14/2010 at 3:21am - kids - by uglywoman - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me a magic trick. He filled a bowl with wine, pushed it on top of the ceiling using a broom stick, and held it up there. He told me to hold it and left. Taking my hands off the broomstick would cause the bowl to fall on my expensive new suit. Eventually, it did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18645) - you deserved it (8136)
On 11/15/2010 at 10:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend hacked my facebook account and set my status to say that I was in love with my boss. Seeing the post, my boss called me into his office, and told me he loved me too... FML
I agree, your life sucks (39764) - you deserved it (2905)
On 07/13/2010 at 8:02pm - work - by Camille (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47322) - you deserved it (2427)
On 11/15/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (87637) - you deserved it (18464)
On 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm - love - by mandy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (84301) - you deserved it (5476)
On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (148994) - you deserved it (22374)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32853) - you deserved it (488455)
On 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm - misc - by I_Am_The_Edge (man) - United States (California)
Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (252588) - you deserved it (34054)
On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (170828) - you deserved it (52067)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (78834) - you deserved it (22622)
On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (157372) - you deserved it (18678)
On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (324544) - you deserved it (25653)
On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she randomly asked me "does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked "does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (157653) - you deserved it (19661)
On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)
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