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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Freeze

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Freeze
  • Town/Country : Dallas, Texas
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 18 December 1992 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 24382
  • Number of comments : 3192
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About Freeze : I have a shitload of comments.

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You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

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Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

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Freeze's favorite FMLs

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

#18465913 (15)

I agree, your life sucks (2775) - you deserved it (24246)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States

Today, I got to say, "My best friend hooked up with my step-sister's grandma's aunt" and be correct. FML

#18465565 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (18160) - you deserved it (1426)

On 12/09/2011 at 12:22am - love - by thatisnotcool45 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML

#18189501 (218)

I agree, your life sucks (10873) - you deserved it (2096)

On 11/07/2011 at 11:43pm - intimacy - by InstantHardOn (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to take a picture of myself in the thong she left in my room and send it to her. She thought it would be funnier on Facebook. FML

#18162397 (241)

I agree, your life sucks (18417) - you deserved it (31658)

On 11/05/2011 at 3:25am - misc - by kdeeeceee - United States

Today, for my birthday, instead of a cake, my friends surprised me with a castle mainly made out of bacon. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I fucking hate bacon. FML

#18079662 (470)

I agree, your life sucks (7118) - you deserved it (11332)

On 10/26/2011 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was giving a PowerPoint presentation in class. When I put my flash drive into the computer, my folder opened up and a nude picture of myself popped right up on a 110 inch projector screen for all 35 students to see. This is a 16 week course. FML

#18044835 (254)

I agree, your life sucks (4106) - you deserved it (16978)

On 10/22/2011 at 9:25am - misc - by jaymash - United States (Michigan)

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

#18041675 (346)

I agree, your life sucks (14798) - you deserved it (21933)

On 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

#17727595 (410)

I agree, your life sucks (26293) - you deserved it (3152)

On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was so starved of human contact that I almost took up a transsexual hooker's offer of a "good time." Nothing wrong with that really, but they looked like a haunted tree dressed as Liza Minnelli. FML

#17675561 (49)

I agree, your life sucks (7467) - you deserved it (12074)

On 09/05/2011 at 10:38pm - intimacy - by Username (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML

#17627685 (319)

I agree, your life sucks (11233) - you deserved it (35352)

On 08/31/2011 at 3:36am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML

#16827191 (253)

I agree, your life sucks (27221) - you deserved it (3132)

On 06/24/2011 at 12:46am - work - by Sam (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

#16217085 (510)

I agree, your life sucks (28603) - you deserved it (7477)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

#15415559 (409)

I agree, your life sucks (26028) - you deserved it (22963)

On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML

#14968643 (244)

I agree, your life sucks (37313) - you deserved it (7185)

On 02/14/2011 at 1:24am - misc - by bride (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

#14961230 (210)

I agree, your life sucks (32628) - you deserved it (6578)

On 02/13/2011 at 5:32pm - intimacy - by Katrina (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)