About ForeverAloneGal : Solo Siempre. My jokes are hit or miss. Thanks for voting on them. I need that criticism! I need you people...
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ForeverAloneGal's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 11:34am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 6:23am / Canada / Work
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 5:24am / Australia / Love
Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML
by too young for this / 04/12/2013 at 1:11am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Fml / 04/12/2013 at 1:05am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by anyonmus / 04/11/2013 at 8:59pm / United States (Maryland) / Animals
by Juliet / 04/11/2013 at 8:40pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 4:21pm / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Miscellaneous
Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML
by no tea parties here, gran / 04/11/2013 at 1:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I started my new job as a mail carrier. One of my assigned roads was Milbrooke Street, which I'd never heard of. After driving around for ages trying to find it, I called for directions. The street doesn't exist in my city; it's just the boss' way of seeing how stupid you are. FML
by Directionally challenged / 04/11/2013 at 12:18pm / United States / Work
Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Wow / 04/11/2013 at 8:52am / United States / Love
Today, I realized that my Twitter profile was very public when my business professor made fun of student tweets in class. My tweet went, "Totally bullshitting this business report" about the report I had just handed in, worth a large portion of my grade. FML
by imscrewed / 04/11/2013 at 3:49am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by flowerging / 04/11/2013 at 12:53am / United States (New York) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…