About FirstTigerHobbes : All hail the club of G.R.OS.S.
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FirstTigerHobbes's favorite FMLs
Today, I dressed up for a date. After waiting for hours, sending countless texts and voice mails to my date, and thinking I'd been stood up, I remembered my date is actually scheduled for tomorrow. FML
by Sash / 04/06/2012 at 5:04pm / United Kingdom / Love
by melonhead77 / 03/29/2012 at 7:46am / Cyprus / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that an inspired gardening spree is not as fulfilling as some would have us believe. One punctured hand, cactussed foot and bruised ankle later, I'm beginning to regret waking up this morning and thinking, "What the hell, I'll nuke the shit out of some weeds." FML
by Baustigt / 03/28/2012 at 7:19am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML
by analeis / 03/25/2012 at 2:04pm / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Health
Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML
by Anonymous / 03/25/2012 at 8:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by CallaC / 03/14/2012 at 10:01pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching a kid at school walk like a gangster. My teacher was standing there, so I stood behind the kid and walked like him, laughing to myself, at which point my teacher took me to one side and told me the kid was handicapped. FML
by BBFreak97 / 03/14/2012 at 4:13pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by daddy-o / 03/14/2012 at 3:51am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
by Emma Five / 03/13/2012 at 11:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation
by anonamous / 03/12/2012 at 5:45pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work at a gas station kiosk, a man requested a carton of cigarettes. We keep our cigarettes on a high shelf. I'm short and very large chested so I have to jump in order to reach the carton. He said, "I only come here for the entertainment" and left without purchasing his cigarettes. FML
by aprilmay91 / 03/11/2012 at 8:38am / United States / Work
by Crying / 02/29/2012 at 3:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Geek
by wallets / 02/29/2012 at 2:47am / United States / Work
Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
by awhmaaan / 02/27/2012 at 10:55am / United Kingdom / Health
by ZeroApostle4Ever / 02/23/2012 at 3:00am / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…