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FirstTigerHobbes

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FirstTigerHobbes
  • Town/Country : Somewhere....., waiting to pounce...
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 25 June 1989 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 931
  • Number of comments : 176
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About FirstTigerHobbes : Hey there!
As you know I'm quite a good looking tiger if you take a look at that amazing blend of orange, black and white fur up there.
But hey you're not too bad yourself with your not-so-hairy skin and your.... Um.... Nah, who am I kidding, you people were put on this planet for one reason only; tiger food!
But enough about me, I'm sure you're here because of something I said. Maybe it was funny maybe it was offensive. But hell, you humans are offended by anything! Us tigers on the other hand are more laid back and have no worries, thus the look of my luxurious coat. My point? If you are offended by my remark, have no fear, you'll be by the grasp of my jaws in no time!
Now leave me, I have people to eat, Calvin Ball to play.
All hail the club of G.R.OS.S.

FirstTigerHobbes's last visitors

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FirstTigerHobbes's favorite FMLs

Today, I dressed up for a date. After waiting for hours, sending countless texts and voice mails to my date, and thinking I'd been stood up, I remembered my date is actually scheduled for tomorrow. FML

#19418813
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8004) - you deserved it (30854)

On 04/06/2012 at 5:04pm - love - by Sash (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got so bored that I ordered my DVD drawer from awesomest to non-awesomest. I need a life. FML

#19368878
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11826) - you deserved it (5313)

On 03/29/2012 at 7:46am - misc - by melonhead77 - Cyprus

Today, I learned that an inspired gardening spree is not as fulfilling as some would have us believe. One punctured hand, cactussed foot and bruised ankle later, I'm beginning to regret waking up this morning and thinking, "What the hell, I'll nuke the shit out of some weeds." FML

Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML

#19345098
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13448) - you deserved it (23874)

On 03/25/2012 at 2:04pm - health - by analeis (woman) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

#19343662
370 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36632) - you deserved it (11379)

On 03/25/2012 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

#19279551
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28863) - you deserved it (1790)

On 03/14/2012 at 10:01pm - misc - by CallaC (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I was watching a kid at school walk like a gangster. My teacher was standing there, so I stood behind the kid and walked like him, laughing to myself, at which point my teacher took me to one side and told me the kid was handicapped. FML

#19277499
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8276) - you deserved it (50930)

On 03/14/2012 at 4:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

#19276120
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27408) - you deserved it (17379)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:51am - misc - by daddy-o - United States (Utah)

Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML

#19274783
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5906) - you deserved it (25193)

On 03/13/2012 at 11:22pm - misc - by Emma Five (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

#19265629
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15146) - you deserved it (7661)

On 03/12/2012 at 5:45pm - misc - by anonamous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at work at a gas station kiosk, a man requested a carton of cigarettes. We keep our cigarettes on a high shelf. I'm short and very large chested so I have to jump in order to reach the carton. He said, "I only come here for the entertainment" and left without purchasing his cigarettes. FML

Today, I started crying in class because of a sad part in the book I was reading. I got pulled out into the hallway and my male teacher asked, "Is it your special time?" FML

#19189371
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26152) - you deserved it (5967)

On 02/29/2012 at 3:21pm - misc - by Crying - United States (Michigan)

Today, I told a customer that we don't do refunds. He responded by throwing his wallet at my face and accusing me of stealing it. FML

#19187266
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23148) - you deserved it (1982)

On 02/29/2012 at 2:47am - work - by wallets - United States

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

#19174199
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33499) - you deserved it (5187)

On 02/27/2012 at 10:55am - health - by awhmaaan - United Kingdom

Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML

#19144211
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23539) - you deserved it (5662)

On 02/23/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by ZeroApostle4Ever - United States



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