About FirstTigerHobbes : All hail the club of G.R.OS.S.
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FirstTigerHobbes's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/09/2013 at 2:02am / Israel / Miscellaneous
by areyoukiddingme / 01/07/2013 at 1:09am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I went to a furniture store. We split up for a bit, and after a while I went to find him. A salesman noticed I seemed to be looking around for him and said, "Oh, your son is upstairs." We're the same age. FML
by slypher25aussie / 11/09/2012 at 2:26am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by SebastianMiko / 11/09/2012 at 2:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML
by Anonymous / 09/23/2012 at 7:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML
by Anonymous / 09/23/2012 at 7:01am / United States / Intimacy
Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call about one of my applications. I wasn't able to answer it, but he left a voicemail. I've listened to it over and over, and I can't understand the contact information. He called from a restricted number. FML
by Anonymous / 08/21/2012 at 12:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by Sexting / 08/21/2012 at 11:29am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML
by spasticock / 08/19/2012 at 2:09pm / Portugal (Setubal) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that instead of going on a date with a girl I've liked for months, I'm going to be forced to have lunch with my grandmother tomorrow. Instead of losing my virginity, I will get to be interrogated about why I'm single. FML
by foreveravirgin / 08/15/2012 at 3:07pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
by DwarfFrog / 06/18/2012 at 7:38am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/17/2012 at 3:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by phoneless / 04/17/2012 at 3:23pm / Jordan / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML
by blocked_by_fire / 04/17/2012 at 2:13pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by uhhh what? / 04/10/2012 at 1:47pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door… Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp.… Today, I was just taking a wank with my laptop on low battery. Almost finished when my laptop died.…
- Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I…