Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FireBitten

Offline (the 11/16/2014 at 11:20am) | Search for a member

FireBitten

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 447
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About FireBitten : Just lurking around reading submissions and comments for my own amusement. Nothing more.

FireBitten's page activity

Visits<b>Aero_x</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 11:59pm<b>ThatSlappinBass</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 9:29pm<b>k_gils</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 10:21pm<b>Co1121</b> - the 01/02/2014 at 4:22am<b>Mynamewontfi</b> - the 11/21/2013 at 7:56am<b>awkwardloveannie</b> - the 11/17/2013 at 1:07am<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 11/09/2013 at 2:30am<b>OnlyAvailableID</b> - the 10/13/2013 at 11:21am<b>RodzillaX</b> - the 10/05/2013 at 11:52am<b>DarkpawTehWolf</b> - the 09/21/2013 at 8:50pm<b>wolfstalker213</b> - the 09/12/2013 at 5:19pm<b>warturtle</b> - the 09/10/2013 at 2:30am<b>c3lyne</b> - the 09/09/2013 at 4:50pm<b>youresoscrewed</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 1:50am<b>JoseIsAdork</b> - the 09/04/2013 at 7:18pm<b>the_untouchables</b> - the 09/02/2013 at 10:17pm<b>aLiYaaH</b> - the 09/01/2013 at 2:40pm<b>supernaturalcat</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 6:08pm

FireBitten's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of FireBitten's badges

FireBitten's favorite FMLs

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

#21294899
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39834) - you deserved it (3414)

On 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm - kids - by jennabee97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML

#21294889
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29268) - you deserved it (7526)

On 11/08/2014 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous S'wit (man) - Portugal

Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML

#21294812
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17534) - you deserved it (32938)

On 11/08/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

#21238932
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49100) - you deserved it (7776)

On 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by gag reflex - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

Today, my friend saw a stamp on my hand and asked me which club I had gone to last night. I was so desperate to seem cool that I lied, instead of admitting it was actually from a children's play group that I took my kids to. FML

#21105342
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32710) - you deserved it (8054)

On 04/05/2014 at 6:05pm - kids - by lamemom - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to get a shirt saying "I'm a girl," just so people won't think he's gay. FML

#21104753
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37657) - you deserved it (5426)

On 04/04/2014 at 9:57pm - misc - by Violet (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML

#21104664
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37345) - you deserved it (4377)

On 04/04/2014 at 7:46pm - work - by King_of_hearts (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

#21101391
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45152) - you deserved it (33407)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me all about how I was conceived in a Disney Land toilet. FML

#21070288
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41512) - you deserved it (3648)

On 02/24/2014 at 11:52am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Dudley)

Today, I burned my right boob. I got it by eating a hot pocket and accidentally spilling the extremely hot filling. I never thought I'd get laid before. This has just confirmed it. FML

Today, while at a funeral for a distant family member, I was giving my condolences to the family. When one of them asked how I was doing, I replied with, "I'm still alive!", which is one of my standard responses due to being a cashier and being asked that question a hundred times a day. FML

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46073) - you deserved it (16722)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

#21032373
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43741) - you deserved it (6351)

On 01/19/2014 at 12:17am - kids - by MommyProblems (woman) - United States

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46322) - you deserved it (8718)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • Cynthia's illustrated FML
  • TFIF indeed. It's time to kick off the suit and tie and forget about work. Some of us are going out for drinks with friends, others are going to enjoy some live music and some brave fools are going to keep fit…

Friday 28 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: