About FireBitten : Just lurking around reading submissions and comments for my own amusement. Nothing more.
FireBitten's FML badges
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
FireBitten's favorite FMLs
Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML
by jennabee97 / 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML
by Anonymous S'wit / 11/08/2014 at 5:49pm / Portugal / Health
Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2014 at 3:36pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by gag reflex / 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML
by Spooprfailed / 04/08/2014 at 1:32am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
Today, my friend saw a stamp on my hand and asked me which club I had gone to last night. I was so desperate to seem cool that I lied, instead of admitting it was actually from a children's play group that I took my kids to. FML
by lamemom / 04/05/2014 at 6:05pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Kids
by Violet / 04/04/2014 at 9:57pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Love
Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML
by King_of_hearts / 04/04/2014 at 7:46pm / United States (Indiana) / Work
Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML
by Anonymous / 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/24/2014 at 11:52am / United Kingdom (Dudley) / Love
by Nikia818 / 02/06/2014 at 1:23pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, while at a funeral for a distant family member, I was giving my condolences to the family. When one of them asked how I was doing, I replied with, "I'm still alive!", which is one of my standard responses due to being a cashier and being asked that question a hundred times a day. FML
by Merith2004 / 02/04/2014 at 12:18am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 12:32am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by MommyProblems / 01/19/2014 at 12:17am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…