FireBitten

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Offline (the 07/21/2015 at 9:32am)

FireBitten

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1116
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About FireBitten : Just lurking around reading submissions and comments for my own amusement. Nothing more.

FireBitten's page activity

Visits<b>jessieluvxo</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 3:45pm<b>rairai</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 5:31am<b>Aero_x</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 11:59pm<b>ThatSlappinBass</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 9:29pm<b>k_gils</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 10:21pm<b>Co1121</b> - the 01/02/2014 at 4:22am<b>Mynamewontfi</b> - the 11/21/2013 at 7:56am<b>awkwardloveannie</b> - the 11/17/2013 at 1:07am<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 11/09/2013 at 2:30am<b>OnlyAvailableID</b> - the 10/13/2013 at 11:21am<b>RodzillaX</b> - the 10/05/2013 at 11:52am<b>DarkpawTehWolf</b> - the 09/21/2013 at 8:50pm<b>wolfstalker213</b> - the 09/12/2013 at 5:19pm<b>warturtle</b> - the 09/10/2013 at 2:30am<b>c3lyne</b> - the 09/09/2013 at 4:50pm<b>youresoscrewed</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 1:50am<b>JoseIsAdork</b> - the 09/04/2013 at 7:18pm<b>the_untouchables</b> - the 09/02/2013 at 10:17pm

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Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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FireBitten's favorite FMLs

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

by jennabee97 / 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML

by Anonymous S'wit / 11/08/2014 at 5:49pm / Portugal / Health

Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2014 at 3:36pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

by gag reflex / 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

by Spooprfailed / 04/08/2014 at 1:32am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my friend saw a stamp on my hand and asked me which club I had gone to last night. I was so desperate to seem cool that I lied, instead of admitting it was actually from a children's play group that I took my kids to. FML

by lamemom / 04/05/2014 at 6:05pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to get a shirt saying "I'm a girl," just so people won't think he's gay. FML

by Violet / 04/04/2014 at 9:57pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Love

Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML

by King_of_hearts / 04/04/2014 at 7:46pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my mom told me all about how I was conceived in a Disney Land toilet. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2014 at 11:52am / United Kingdom (Dudley) / Love

Today, I burned my right boob. I got it by eating a hot pocket and accidentally spilling the extremely hot filling. I never thought I'd get laid before. This has just confirmed it. FML

by Nikia818 / 02/06/2014 at 1:23pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while at a funeral for a distant family member, I was giving my condolences to the family. When one of them asked how I was doing, I replied with, "I'm still alive!", which is one of my standard responses due to being a cashier and being asked that question a hundred times a day. FML

by Merith2004 / 02/04/2014 at 12:18am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 12:32am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

by MommyProblems / 01/19/2014 at 12:17am / United States / Kids

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous