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This isn't what should be happening
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FireAuro's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/03/2011 at 3:29am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/22/2011 at 1:20am / United States (Florida) / Work
by CHStennis_4 / 09/03/2011 at 12:48am / United States (Utah) / Love
Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2011 at 12:48am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML
by Creeped_out_n_stuck / 08/05/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML
by Anonymous / 07/26/2011 at 10:05am / United Kingdom / Health
Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to videotape his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML
by WasteOMoney / 07/03/2011 at 9:50pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money
by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 10:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
by ihavenothing / 02/18/2011 at 9:47am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML
by geoduck / 02/10/2011 at 12:31am / United States / Work
Today, my father had a dream that he'd lost me forever, and the pain was so unbearable, it woke him up. Turns out, the pain he was experiencing was just his bowels and he really needed to take a shit. This is the most affection I've ever received from my father. FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2010 at 5:28pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love
Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML
by Anonymous / 11/23/2010 at 12:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I realized how bad our scorpion problem is when I was woken up to a scorpion stinging me in… Today, I walked into a restaurant and caught my Dad having lunch with his other daughter. Not only… Today, I was arriving at my grandmas and when I met her she asked "Where's your girlfriend?" I told…