I hate Bill Nye like poison.
Today, I decided to apply for a credit card to help build up my credit rating. It seemed smart since I'm a 24 year old college graduate. I was rejected for not having a credit history. Being rejected turns out to hurt your credit history. The irony of my predicament is too great for words. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15480) - you totally deserved it (985)
On 02/24/2010 at 2:13pm - money - by creditwhore (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8586) - you totally deserved it (5925)
On 02/23/2010 at 1:25am - misc - by itsawonderfulife (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML
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On 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm - work - by Patrick (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got a reply to my Valentine's Day card that I sent to my girlfriend. I'll get the address right next time because her neighbor is really creeping me out now. FML
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On 02/19/2010 at 3:25am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was at McDonald's. I bumped into a guy, and as I was helping him pick up his food, I realized he was cute. I began smiling and I was about to introduce myself, when he began laughing and said ,"It's you! I've heard about you!" He left laughing. I still don't know who he is, or what made him laugh. FML
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On 02/18/2010 at 1:38am - misc - by Lizzielollipop816 (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML
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On 02/11/2010 at 1:42pm - misc - by tammyg - United States
Today, my son learned about various animals in school, and how they urinate to mark their territory. Apparently, the entire second floor of my house is now my son's territory. FML
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On 02/07/2010 at 7:35pm - kids - by grrrr - United States
Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML
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On 02/07/2010 at 10:37am - misc - by bystander (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my brother and his friend ambushed me, tied me to a chair, and put a sock in my mouth. My mom found me 10 minutes later, took the sock out, and asked, "Why are you tied to a chair?" I told her what happened. She looked at me, laughed, stuffed the sock back in my mouth, and left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22655) - you totally deserved it (2514)
On 01/13/2010 at 2:36pm - misc - by boundandgagged (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to go meet my new upstairs neighbor, only to find out nobody actually moved in. The noises that have been coming from up there were made by rats. Lots of them. FML
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On 01/12/2010 at 12:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I made a batch of "special" brownies for a party I was going to tonight. I wrapped them up and put them on the counter with a note that said DO NOT EAT. Later on I came home from some errands to find a tray of half eaten brownies and my ten year old sister passed out on the couch. FML
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On 01/10/2010 at 10:37am - health - by badsister (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss. FML
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On 01/10/2010 at 10:11am - misc - by ishouldntdrink (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I confessed my love to a guy I've been flirting with for months. He then decided to reject me through a poem on Facebook for all of our friends to read. FML
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On 01/10/2010 at 9:48am - love - by VAngelique (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
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On 11/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by obsessed (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I wore my cool new shirt with an oriental character on it to class. The Chinese TA burst into laughter and told me the shirt read, "I am a sad, pathetic person." FML
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On 11/14/2009 at 2:48pm - misc - by Molly (woman) - United States (Missouri)
