About Fence : I'm a kid from Maryland who's really quite boring. I draw stupid comics and play music in an indie-ternative-ska-rap-hardcore-emo-metal band that's going nowhere, and getting there noisily. And..... that's all, really. Yeah.
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Fence's favorite FMLs
Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML
by Magicali / 04/21/2013 at 10:56pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML
by Grand_Cookie / 04/16/2013 at 4:48am / United States (Nebraska) / Love
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health
Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML
by Evalynne / 04/06/2013 at 8:55am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by SayCheese / 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/02/2013 at 5:22am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Holidays
Today, on Facebook, I mentioned that I'd just finished reading the novel Pet Sematary. Two hours later, I'd lost two friends and my boyfriend, after they commented "learn to spell, dumbass", "u illiterate fucker", and "well, I'm not dating you for your brains, am I?" I hate humanity. FML
by Anonymous / 03/22/2013 at 8:02pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by inconnue / 03/18/2013 at 6:34pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love
by cremyfrozentreat / 03/10/2013 at 9:40am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
by useless pos / 02/28/2013 at 7:48pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML
by n3ov / 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm / Pakistan (Islamabad) / Intimacy
Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML
by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids