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FelicityWishes's favorite FMLs
by Shiet / 02/09/2016 at 11:08pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, after weeks of debating with myself, I finally got the courage to ask out my best friend of 9 years. She turned me down, saying that dating me would be like adopting a puppy, and she doesn't want that kind of responsibility. FML
by adoptablepuppy / 01/28/2016 at 8:17pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML
by embarrassed / 01/04/2016 at 12:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went clothes shopping. I took my little daughter into the dressing room while I tried some clothes on. She somehow managed to open the door while I was changing. A lady outside then bitched me out for "exposing" myself to her kids. FML
by streaker? / 11/27/2015 at 9:21am / Germany (Niedersachsen) / Miscellaneous
by kobolobo / 08/11/2015 at 12:45pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by stonehengeva / 07/26/2015 at 11:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Money
by wot02 / 07/26/2015 at 10:02pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML
by its still broken / 06/10/2015 at 8:13pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML
by Sinnersinner / 09/21/2014 at 7:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2014 at 11:03am / United States (Washington) / Love
by Woops / 08/27/2014 at 6:57pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the living room. I jumped up and went running, only to find out it was my mother, who'd screamed at some dramatic plot twist in a Sex and the City episode. FML
by leastitwasntsurpriseanal / 08/22/2014 at 4:26pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 5:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by dealtit / 07/29/2014 at 11:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
- Today, like we do every year, my family and I went on vacation. Also today, like she does in every… Today, I was mugged by a homeless lady who was eating a pudding cup with a spoon. At one point she… Today, I bought a non-refundable $200 plane ticket to Ohio to be with my girlfriend who moved there…