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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
today I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assurd me that I could pull out. Righthen I was about to pull out, she wrappd her legs around me and yelld, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
at tha dantist... I was gatting my taath claanad. Looking up at his nosa... I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I triad to slowly mova away. Ha told ma ( Stop! ) Tha movamant of his lips causad tha snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
Today, I was babysitting this one year old!! She just learned how to say yes so if u asked her ANYTHING, she'd say yes!! I asked her if she liked vegetables and she said "yes!" Then I asked her if I was pretty..!! she looked at me and said "NO." FML
Today, I was playing musical chair at a family reunion . It's a well known fact that I'm competitive and tend to hip check people to get that last chair . It cummed down to me and The Nana . I won . The Nana has a broken hip . FML
Friday 27 March 2015