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Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, I showed off my new tattoo to my friends. Too bad it says "Walk Earless" now instead of "Walk Fearless." That's right, I'm now supporting Van Gogh. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10289) - you deserved it (22651)
On 02/05/2012 at 12:54am - misc - by inked - United States (Alabama)
Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17891) - you deserved it (1911)
On 02/04/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by wetdreams - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I guess I accidentally left Facebook open on my work computer while I went to the bathroom, because my boss updated my status to "Unemployed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10938) - you deserved it (43681)
On 01/10/2012 at 10:34am - work - by Needsanewjob (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my boyfriend told me that I can no longer sleep over at his house because his cat doesn't like it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23396) - you deserved it (3463)
On 12/21/2011 at 8:41pm - animals - by kaipodable - United States (California)
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23777) - you deserved it (4086)
On 12/16/2011 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by anne (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to eat the orange I'd brought to work, but couldn't find it. After minutes searching, I found it. Nailed to the ceiling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19804) - you deserved it (1770)
On 12/15/2011 at 1:57am - work - by Username - United States (California)
Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34368) - you deserved it (5453)
On 11/13/2011 at 1:53am - kids - by weswithaute - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my 4 year old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24434) - you deserved it (6015)
On 08/20/2011 at 10:08am - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, after being terrified for years, I went on a plane for the first time. It was also the first time I "emergency landed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26797) - you deserved it (2258)
On 07/28/2011 at 10:25pm - misc - by Alyssa Charlotte - Mexico
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (177788) - you deserved it (25395)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (461727) - you deserved it (573589)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (353503) - you deserved it (66675)
On 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Monday 20 May 2013
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