About FUUUandyourmom : :)
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100 kick ass comments
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FUUUandyourmom's favorite FMLs
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
by DocBastard / 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm / United States / Kids
Today, the heating in my house broke down. I called my boyfriend and asked if I could stay at his place until I could get it fixed. He said no, and told me my overgrown leg hair would keep me warm. FML
by Anonymous / 12/16/2011 at 3:11pm / Sweden (Hallands Lan) / Love
by Username / 12/15/2011 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Work
by Mariah Heimann / 12/14/2011 at 10:34pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was giving a presentation at work, when I said, "But we could care less about that." My boss asked if I meant, "Couldn't care less." Wanting to avoid embarrassment, I tried to think up an excuse, only to end up blurting that it was my phone's auto-correct. FML
by sharon / 12/14/2011 at 4:21pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
by PunkChik27 / 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2011 at 6:54am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by godhatesme / 12/10/2011 at 3:45am / United States / Intimacy
by journey_Jeanne / 12/07/2011 at 9:31pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I noticed I'd mislaid one half of the "Monday" pair of socks from my "days of the week" set that were a gift for my birthday. I'm slightly OCD. I think I'm going to rip the floorboards up if I don't find it. FML
by socks / 12/07/2011 at 12:32am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 1:45am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm / United States / Love
Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 7:11pm / United States (California) / Work
by unknown52 / 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm / Netherlands (Overijssel) / Health