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FEROZ753's favorite FMLs
Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML
by vmml97 / 08/01/2013 at 12:32am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
by ktiskool / 08/01/2013 at 12:03am / United States (Missouri) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/31/2013 at 12:49pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, one of my employees filed a complaint against me. He claims that I "pick on him" and make him do things I "wouldn't do". Apparently, making him do his job and trying to convince him to wear clean clothes that don't smell like garbage is considered a bad thing. FML
by Zatnikatel / 07/31/2013 at 10:15am / United States (Kansas) / Work
by ouch / 07/12/2013 at 3:22am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML
by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Kids
by yayme. / 07/11/2013 at 6:26pm / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML
by he's a dawk, and a cunt / 07/05/2013 at 6:29pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML
by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML
by grammarnazi-forareason / 07/03/2013 at 2:48am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Work
Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML
by Angry and Confused / 06/29/2013 at 5:55am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML
by DocKreso / 06/28/2013 at 5:59pm / Croatia (Splitsko-Dalmatinska) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/28/2013 at 2:07pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Miscellaneous
by confusedandnowsingle / 06/28/2013 at 8:23am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Love
by Creepedout / 06/24/2013 at 9:27pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
- Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I travelled in a shared taxi on the winding roads of the Peruvian Andes. The guy next to me…