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Erin_VanDerWoods's FML badges
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Erin_VanDerWoods's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML
by Kayt / 10/03/2011 at 12:38am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I was in class and really needed to pee. My teacher has chosen to replace our hall pass with a copy of War and Peace. She picks out a page for us to memorise on the shitter, and repeat by heart later. If we can't remember, we get locked out of class, and then get detention for being absent. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2011 at 5:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by aru9 / 09/12/2011 at 3:25pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by FullOfNick / 09/10/2011 at 3:11am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by dragos_dgt / 09/02/2011 at 3:48am / Romania (Bucuresti) / Work
by ryanlogan / 08/31/2011 at 2:31am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML
by mystupidson / 08/30/2011 at 11:30pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I broke my right leg. I've had one shot of morphine, and even that only relieved the pain a little. It's now totally worn off and I have yet to get pain medication of any kind. My leg has been broken for over nine hours now. FML
by Anonymous / 08/27/2011 at 4:12am / United States (West Virginia) / Health
Today, I had an interview for an internship at an independent lawyer's office. Hoping to increase my chances of being hired, I dressed up sexily with a short skirt, high heels, and ample cleavage. Turns out his wife handles the interviews. FML
by santa_maria / 08/25/2011 at 5:45pm / Reunion / Love
Today, while going around trying to find a job, a manager came up to ask me, "Are you looking to work here?" I nodded happily, hoping this would be the end of my search. She looked me up and down, saw I had a jacket on to hide my tattoos and said, "Sorry, I can't hire heroin addicts." FML
by Protectress / 08/23/2011 at 2:50am / United States (Texas) / Work
by heheheh / 08/22/2011 at 2:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by vishuzzbabe77 / 08/22/2011 at 2:04am / United States / Animals
Today, in algebra, I took out my notebook. My Chinese teacher was so impressed with my "Chinese" writings on the cover that I'm now her "favorite student". Those "Chinese" symbols are actually Japanese, but I wanted someone to like me so badly that I didn't correct her. FML
by Miguel / 08/20/2011 at 3:40pm / United States / Geek
by AlwaysGottaFML / 08/20/2011 at 3:26am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, I took my Catholic girlfriend home to meet my family for the first time. My brother thought it would be civil to spend over an hour insulting her religion and explaining in detail the many ways in which "the Force" is superior. FML
by Jace / 08/19/2011 at 6:36pm / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Love
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…