About Emma_91 : Skater :)
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23726) - you deserved it (1635)
On 10/26/2009 at 6:15am - misc - by Roida (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24148) - you deserved it (4945)
On 10/21/2009 at 10:58pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40785) - you deserved it (2978)
On 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm - animals - by APetsPet (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I told my daughter how her eyes look exactly as pretty as my wife's. She told me that she loved the way my eyeballs stick out of my face, just like Elmo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30517) - you deserved it (3674)
On 10/03/2009 at 8:33am - kids - by dessaye (man) - Singapore
Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34528) - you deserved it (4045)
On 10/01/2009 at 4:07pm - misc - by dumbass (man) - United States (Pennsylvania) - moderated by Kevin Nealon
Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56402) - you deserved it (3656)
On 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by P0wned (man) - France (Bretagne)
Today, I was locked out of my house so I texted my cousin to come over and help me get in. She came over, stood on a chair and lifted me through the smallest unlocked window possible. Sadly, this was my bathroom window and I ended up head-first into my toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25936) - you deserved it (7100)
On 09/19/2009 at 8:08pm - misc - by GodDaughter (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, after spending 20 minutes every day working on my abs for the last month and feeling pretty good about how they were looking, I received the first comment about them. A girl poked them and said 'squish'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26081) - you deserved it (4239)
On 09/11/2009 at 10:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was hurrying for the bus home from work. It was raining and I had my umbrella up. As I hurried by two women, I felt my umbrella hit one of them on the head. I turned to apologise and saw her standing with her hands on her newly bald head. My umbrella had lifted her wig off her head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33299) - you deserved it (3169)
On 08/31/2009 at 10:48am - misc - by Karen (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36191) - you deserved it (17626)
On 08/27/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11321) - you deserved it (45713)
On 08/25/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by damnit (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, when I opened the door to my room at night, I saw this big menacing thing staring right at me. I gasped and my heart started racing. I apprehensively turned on the lights, and I realized that it was the semi-deflated Spongebob balloon that has been in my room for weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5336) - you deserved it (24029)
On 08/23/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Scared - United States (Washington)
Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29928) - you deserved it (3051)
On 08/21/2009 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by Ben (man) - United States
Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49858) - you deserved it (4178)
On 08/18/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by Girl - United Kingdom (Hampshire)
Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64399) - you deserved it (4521)
On 08/18/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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