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EmilyUnrated's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML
by speechless / 07/13/2013 at 10:32am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by nosestealer / 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by life insurance for 1 / 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/05/2012 at 12:40pm / United States (Ohio) / Work
Today, my boyfriend and I were at a park, alone, late at night. Things were getting kind of heavy and he started undressing me, when we heard a loud "Hey!" and a flashlight coming through the bushes. My boyfriend then decided to ditch me, while still holding my shirt and bra. FML
by anonymous / 07/14/2012 at 1:06am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by KittenNomNom / 02/22/2012 at 2:40pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, one of my coworkers called to remind me about the annual costume day at work this morning. I dressed as Pocahontas. There is no annual costume day. I was fired for dressing inappropriately in front of customers. FML
by pocahontas / 10/25/2010 at 9:47pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work
Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML
by Fredgruff / 01/09/2010 at 8:48am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I am a 26 year old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML
by 2old4thiscrap / 12/08/2009 at 1:06pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I found an old friend of mine on Facebook. After adding her, I suggested friends for her. She ended up adding every single one I added, but not me. I later saw her ask one of those friends who the hell I was and how I knew all of them. We used to eat lunch together everyday. FML
by alliobamy / 09/28/2009 at 12:09am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in his car when things got hot and heavy and we decided to climb in the back. After we finished we started to put our clothes back just as a someone's brights flooded into the car. It was a cop, and he had been there the entire time. FML
by suzanneallen / 09/11/2009 at 12:23am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, my cell phone broke. It wouldn't even turn on. I went online to access my account so that I could order a new phone. I couldn't remember my password. The phone company had an option of "forgot my password". Upon clicking I get a message saying "Your password will be sent to your phone". FML
by nhanley1 / 04/02/2009 at 1:07pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Geek
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- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…