About ElmoSaysSquishy : My name is Stephanie, I'm 17 and I live in Scotland. I'm still in high school but I'm in my last year and as of September I hope to be studying Computing Science at university. I'm on the Android app so probably won't reply to messages.
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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8844) - you deserved it (31187)
Today, for my birthday, my family offered to take one of my friends to the movies with me. I had to pay a random person in my class to pose as a friend of mine, so that I wouldn't look pathetic in front of my parents. She forgot my name three times. They didn't buy it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12545) - you deserved it (13828)
On 07/09/2012 at 7:44am - misc - by Nofriends (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14103) - you deserved it (3604)
On 06/08/2012 at 12:36pm - health - by miss tomato (woman) - United States
Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21747) - you deserved it (3610)
On 04/23/2012 at 12:04am - love - by gottalovefriends - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was having a hard time waking up. When I sat down for breakfast, my chair rocked backwards. I reflexively grabbed out at something to hold on to. Unfortunately, I grabbed the cereal box that was on the table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14797) - you deserved it (2110) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/18/2012 at 12:38am - misc - by Fillifilo (woman) - France
Today, while running in the park, I noticed some ducks in a pond. I stopped to look at them and began quacking at them, to see if they would react. This would have been OK had I not been wearing ear-buds, blasting music, making me unable to realize just how loud I was quacking. With people all around. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5680) - you deserved it (26882)
On 04/11/2012 at 11:39am - animals - by Quackers (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28316) - you deserved it (2015)
On 04/05/2012 at 2:47am - intimacy - by displeased - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13703) - you deserved it (2158)
On 03/27/2012 at 3:40am - misc - by blueglover - United States (California)
Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19398) - you deserved it (1827)
On 03/26/2012 at 5:11am - intimacy - by pmek - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I got suspended for bringing a "hazardous weapon" to school. They were earrings. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24298) - you deserved it (2294)
On 08/26/2011 at 8:03am - misc - by christine brown - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML
I agree, your life sucks (91460) - you deserved it (10767)
On 12/14/2010 at 3:21am - kids - by uglywoman - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33522) - you deserved it (8030)
On 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm - intimacy - by Wisconsin love - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (51054) - you deserved it (11675)
On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40100) - you deserved it (123064)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30730) - you deserved it (71480)
On 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm - kids - by bubbalicious (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 20 May 2013
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