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Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37632) - you deserved it (2550)
On 05/07/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by fuckingjesusgran (man) - Bosnia and Herzegovina (Federation of Bosnia and Herzego)
Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46724) - you deserved it (8556)
On 05/07/2013 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Sirah90 (woman) - United States
Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47047) - you deserved it (7539)
On 04/18/2013 at 10:37am - love - by obnum - United States
Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33317) - you deserved it (4024)
On 03/15/2013 at 1:44am - misc - by fmlman - United States (Wyoming)
Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26760) - you deserved it (4670)
On 03/03/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by FUCKKKS (man) - United States
Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29797) - you deserved it (1426)
On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I learned my neighbor can access my wireless printer from his house after it started printing off pictures of what I'm assuming is his penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33666) - you deserved it (6048)
On 01/15/2013 at 4:58pm - intimacy - by itsrathersmall (woman) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I visited my grandparents' house. While getting a drink from the fridge, I noticed the Christmas card my family sent them had my face scratched out. When I confronted them about it, they said it was the cat. They don't have a cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17318) - you deserved it (1123)
On 01/06/2013 at 7:50pm - misc - by HatedGrandson - United States
Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25185) - you deserved it (7590)
On 12/18/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by Dog_Lover (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25656) - you deserved it (5292)
On 12/10/2012 at 2:21am - love - by Tonguetied0496 (man) - United States (California)
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (17142) - you deserved it (3552)
On 10/28/2012 at 12:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4143) - you deserved it (36194)
On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18837) - you deserved it (4574)
On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States
Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21673) - you deserved it (4925) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 09/21/2012 at 7:31am - misc - by minibuch1505 - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was cycling with my uncle and became increasingly frustrated as we got further and further from our intended destination. It took me a while to figure out that I had somehow lost my uncle and was following a complete stranger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7107) - you deserved it (13587)
On 09/10/2012 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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