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Ebola's favorite FMLs
by onlyjuggalos / 01/31/2016 at 3:13am / United States / Work
by Xandriajoy10 / 01/30/2016 at 10:44pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/30/2016 at 4:54pm / Miscellaneous
by gingerlover01 / 01/30/2016 at 10:57am / United States / Health
by :/ / 01/30/2016 at 2:45am / United States (Arizona) / Money
Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2016 at 12:07am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got let go from my job, because my personal cell phone doesn't always have signal, so I missed an important call from work. My contract specifically said I'd get a work phone, which never happened. FML
by Anonymous / 01/29/2016 at 10:54am / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/28/2016 at 11:26am / United Kingdom / Health
by crinitis / 01/28/2016 at 11:05am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/27/2016 at 9:44pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML
by Anonymous / 01/27/2016 at 11:35am / United States (Kansas) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend made a patronising post on Facebook, "to all you guys out there" saying how having sex with a drunk person is straight-up, 100% rape. I pointed out that she's had sex with me several times after I've come home drunk. That pissed her off. Now I'm single. FML
by 404: Sanity Not Found / 01/27/2016 at 10:35am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
by oliver / 01/27/2016 at 7:02am / United States / Health
by NotYourToy / 01/27/2016 at 2:59am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, to avoid disappointing my excited great grandmother, I still attended a small family dinner to celebrate my engagement. My fiancé and I split last night, I haven't slept and had to tell her he was caught up at work. FML
by singlelady / 01/26/2016 at 5:24pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Love