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Ebola's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 03/18/2016 at 4:56pm / United States / Love
by drucle / 03/18/2016 at 8:49am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Health
Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML
by Grimmy / 03/17/2016 at 4:12am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by itsnotalright / 03/17/2016 at 12:25am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, I joined my boyfriend at a work conference out of state. One of the other conference-goers struck up a conversation and I obliged. Apparently, I was too nice. He followed me into the hotel lobby and openly watched me go back to my hotel room, making sure to count the room numbers. FML
by CreeptacularBait / 03/16/2016 at 5:33pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I had sex with a guy I really had a connection with. It went perfect until I complimented how his moans during sex turn me on a lot, and he responded with, "That's what my mom told me." I laughed so hard we couldn't go on. FML
by UnicornWaffles / 03/16/2016 at 1:23pm / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Intimacy
by sick of this shit / 03/12/2016 at 8:33am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I talked to my high school sweetheart after 12 years. He confessed that he's been single ever since we broke up, never got over me, and that to this day he loves me dearly. I'm a married mother of two. FML
by :/ / 03/12/2016 at 6:36am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, I was using the urinal at work when an old guy started using the one next to mine. All of a sudden, he used that Ghostbusters' line, "Cross the streams!", and tried to pee into my urinal. I had to wait 4 hours in pee-drenched shoes until my shift was over. FML
by NotASquirrel / 03/12/2016 at 12:29am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, my boyfriend told me on the phone that he thought we were too poor for value-pack bacon. When I got home, I found he had gone to work leaving two lights and the TV on, and that the shower was running. He said, "Turning things on and off takes too much time! Who cares about money?" FML
by bridget1989 / 03/11/2016 at 5:03am / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Money
by DrumrollPlease / 03/10/2016 at 8:59pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
Today, a student came out to me, saying that she thinks she's gay. This has happened several times since I have taught here, which made me wonder why they were comfortable telling me. Turns out being a single, childless woman of my age screams "lesbian" to this particular community. I'm not. FML
by phalangesenfuego / 03/10/2016 at 9:07am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I gave my boss a ride home from work. I had my phone on hands-free mode, so all calls would come through on speaker. I got a call from the new job I was applying at, with my boss listening to each word. FML
by SoGoodAtLife / 03/09/2016 at 2:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I received a full tuition scholarship to my ideal university in the mail. This would be perfect, except I sent an email to the college 2 days earlier, informing them that I couldn't attend because of financial concerns. FML
by AllyK_shawol / 03/09/2016 at 1:55pm / United States (Georgia) / Money
by Anonymous / 03/09/2016 at 8:52am / Madagascar / Work
- Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of… Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…