About Earths_Venus : Professional ice cream taster ~ crazy cat lady ~ self-taught home renovator ~ crocheter of all things warm and cuddly
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Earths_Venus's favorite FMLs
Today, I told my cousin it would be okay if he stayed the weekend after a fight with his wife. He didn't tell me he was bringing his 4 kids. They've watched funny cat videos for hours and they laugh like maniacs. FML
by kids are meh / 05/16/2016 at 5:47pm / United States (Louisiana) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/26/2016 at 5:22pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Work
by Anon / 01/26/2016 at 6:40am / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames) / Work
Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML
by humdrummitydrum / 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm / United States / Health
by I don't condome that, babe / 07/24/2014 at 4:51pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML
by oh shit / 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I collected a package from a handsome UPS guy. We exchanged smiles, and he even noticeably checked me out. I was feeling really confident for the first time in a while. Then I went inside and saw that I had two huge breastmilk spots on my chest. FML
by BBeffedmylife / 06/14/2014 at 10:18am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML
by itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug / 05/14/2014 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Kids
by tothebaneofkings / 04/23/2014 at 12:20am / United States / Miscellaneous
by tigger2013 / 08/03/2013 at 12:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by CutestBoysEver / 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by zombieguyswife / 06/28/2012 at 7:44pm / United States (Missouri) / Health
by Darwin_Award_Winner / 06/07/2012 at 8:10am / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML
by Anonymous / 07/26/2011 at 10:05am / United Kingdom / Health
by Anonymous / 07/02/2011 at 3:46pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous