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I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
Picture this FML
You have left your mark on an illustrated FML’s presentation blog article.
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24317) - you deserved it (67674)
On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML
I agree, your life sucks (19082) - you deserved it (74784)
On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14829) - you deserved it (69791)
On 04/29/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56220) - you deserved it (22802)
On 04/29/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by hyper12332 (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10451) - you deserved it (114648)
On 04/01/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by blackvogue (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76563) - you deserved it (13455)
On 04/01/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by highleyj (man) - United States (California)
Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my head. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my head down. My sombrero caught on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57234) - you deserved it (21418)
On 03/29/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by Hotsauce887 (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a dumb blonde. After screaming at the top of my lungs, I tripped over a bin and hit my head on a wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16098) - you deserved it (66037)
On 03/24/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by blondie (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23262) - you deserved it (81342)
On 03/19/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by JohnMackSquirts (man) - United States (California)
Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27172) - you deserved it (55188)
On 03/13/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by DanniRae (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my friends and I were drinking boba. On the side of the cup it said "Please drink carefully to avoid choking on the Boba". I started to laugh at the ridiculousness of the label, and choked on the boba in a coughing fit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10381) - you deserved it (57533)
On 03/13/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47349) - you deserved it (22974)
On 03/12/2009 at 3:56pm - misc - by Noname - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41007) - you deserved it (247453)
On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71116) - you deserved it (1431)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by uncomfortable (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35014) - you deserved it (24075)
On 03/10/2009 at 4:42pm - animals - by broussimousse - United Kingdom (London)
Friday 24 May 2013
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