About Dynosaur_dollie : I'm a dinosaur and I go rawr! My name is Dyno, I stomp on houses, eat small children and play dinosaur games all day.
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Dynosaur_dollie's favorite FMLs
by guessthatsatrickthen / 10/31/2015 at 1:19pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Miscellaneous
by justjoking / 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm / United States / Work
Today, as I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, she started doing stupidly fake moaning, which then went really high-pitched like a little girl's, killing my hard-on. She says she thought that because I'm Japanese-American, I'd only be able to cum if she copied "those Japanese pornstars". FML
by dating a moron / 12/14/2014 at 12:30pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML
by MedStudent90 / 12/11/2014 at 1:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML
by terdberglerforlyfe / 12/07/2014 at 3:54pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Kids
by jessiejaybee / 11/18/2014 at 5:41am / United States / Love
Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML
by blindsparrow / 11/18/2014 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Animals
by jay-frey96 / 11/02/2014 at 10:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML
by Anonymous / 09/06/2014 at 5:08pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/30/2014 at 7:11pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
by Amithatevil / 08/29/2014 at 8:35am / Japan (Kanagawa) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/24/2014 at 5:19pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by fredfredburger / 06/25/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…