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Dwi3774's favorite FMLs
by lavenderpiss / 12/15/2013 at 9:04pm / Australia (South Australia) / Kids
Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML
by fuck my eyeballs / 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm / United States (California) / Work
by Fuperman / 06/02/2013 at 7:14pm / France (Lorraine) / Health
Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML
by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 9:14pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/29/2012 at 11:52am / United States / Miscellaneous
by anon / 07/14/2011 at 9:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML
by Anonymous / 03/01/2011 at 12:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I let my dogs out, and then realized they didn't have their electric fence collars on. I ran inside to get the collars, then dashed out to put them on my dogs. I ran through the electric fence. The collars were on. FML
by fml / 01/18/2011 at 8:49pm / United States (Tennessee) / Animals
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Intimacy
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
by dire-rear / 01/16/2010 at 3:19pm / Singapore / Health
by ThatTrafficCone / 10/04/2009 at 1:48am / United States (Oregon) / Transportation
Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML
by firefighter / 09/08/2009 at 6:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML
by Ned / 08/29/2009 at 7:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I was having really bad diarrhea. I sat down on the toilet and heard a plop, thinking it was just me going to the bathroom. After I was finished, I look in the toilet to see my iPhone sitting in a pool of diarrhea. FML
by Pottymouth / 07/25/2009 at 1:14pm / United States / Money
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…