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Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27575) - you totally deserved it (3962)
On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my mom held an intervention for me. Yesterday, I told her I'd tried pot once. Seven years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17441) - you totally deserved it (2884)
On 12/28/2009 at 12:02am - health - by EgoMoose (woman) - United States (California)
Today at work I brewed myself a fresh cup of coffee. I set the hot coffee onto my desk. My phone rang so I answered my coffee, spilling it all over my face and body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5872) - you totally deserved it (12457)
On 12/23/2009 at 1:42pm - work - by chris (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up and found that someone had taken a dump on my car. They'd apparently felt bad about it, as they'd then keyed "sorry" into the door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27275) - you totally deserved it (1011)
On 12/06/2009 at 8:24am - misc - by flying_vegan - United Kingdom
Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join them on a vacation trip to the mountains; all their kids except me, that is. I'm not invited. But they did invite my ex-husband. And his new girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27980) - you totally deserved it (1523)
On 12/02/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, my 5 year old lactose intolerant daughter decided to have some chocolate. The result: me cleaning the bathroom walls at 3am, finishing at 4:30am, and then start cleaning again at 5am when her stomach contents decided I had missed a spot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18363) - you totally deserved it (1917)
On 11/18/2009 at 3:43am - kids - by Widespread (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my dad said "Who are you texting? Mom?" I said "Dad, I'm not that much of a loser." I then looked down and remembered I was texting my uncle. I then looked at my inbox. The people down the list were Mom, Dad, Uncle Dave, and one from Dean, the president math club, saying I was a nerd. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13909) - you totally deserved it (7573)
On 11/07/2009 at 4:24pm - misc - by dfan13 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7043) - you totally deserved it (27384)
On 11/01/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was walking in the park when I was hit on the shin by a red ball. I was confused, until it was followed by an enormous German Shepherd dog going at top speed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17786) - you totally deserved it (1121)
On 10/26/2009 at 12:24pm - health - by Lizofsmeg (woman) - United Kingdom (Brent)
Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (16525) - you totally deserved it (1551)
On 10/15/2009 at 9:59pm - health - by Rob - Sent from a mobile version
Today, the traffic court judge didn't believe my three witnesses and two security cameras that proved I was innocent. He claimed a cop would never lie, and that the dashboard security cameras, which the cop brought in, were somehow edited by me. I was fined $1,000 and my license was suspended. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33812) - you totally deserved it (1017)
On 10/09/2009 at 9:58pm - misc - by thelistman (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20881) - you totally deserved it (7203)
On 10/07/2009 at 7:13am - misc - by shitballs_911 (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)
Today, I found a letter in the postbox at my new flat which ran something along these lines of: "Hi. We're the gas company. You owe us £1229.79 and have 7 days to pay us. Lotsa love, dated 7th September." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19487) - you totally deserved it (2039)
On 10/04/2009 at 9:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Nottingham)
Today, I was woken up from a nap by my cat attacking my face. Evidently, my husband thought it would be funny to shine a laser pointer on my cheek. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21003) - you totally deserved it (1613)
On 10/02/2009 at 6:23pm - love - by Zamaria - Sent from a mobile version
Today, I learned that the gap between the elevator and the 6th floor landing of my apartment building is approximately one key's width wide. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27183) - you totally deserved it (1769)
On 09/28/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
