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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Durf

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Durf
  • Town/Country : Rosamond, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 31 August 1992 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 7676
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Durf : you tell me.

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Durf's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that the horrific smell coming from somewhere in my kitchen was a rotting dead mouse in my dishwasher. I have been eating off plates washed in dead-mouse water for the past week. FML

#4830976 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (44467) - you deserved it (7663)

On 08/26/2009 at 4:44am - misc - by hantavirus (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML

#4031081 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (8370) - you deserved it (41188)

On 07/25/2009 at 2:32pm - misc - by rbates - United States (Florida)

Today, I discovered my 18 year old son has been peeing on the carpet when he is too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and blaming it on the cat. FML

#3998492 (232)

I agree, your life sucks (59268) - you deserved it (5183)

On 07/24/2009 at 3:04am - kids - by tony (man) - United States (California)

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokemon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokemon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

#3971030 (321)

I agree, your life sucks (12878) - you deserved it (53040)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by MitchFail (man) - United States

Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML

#2110386 (152)

I agree, your life sucks (34955) - you deserved it (9658)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

#2103981 (283)

I agree, your life sucks (13620) - you deserved it (66142)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Takuma (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my sister in law walked in. FML

#2026481 (435)

I agree, your life sucks (22250) - you deserved it (97740)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML

#1923265 (397)

I agree, your life sucks (86770) - you deserved it (7138)

On 05/14/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Flicker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was on the London underground. My feet were aching, so I really wanted a seat. A mother and child got off the train and I heard her say, 'why didn't you wait?' Going to sit down I wondered what he was supposed to wait for, then sat in his (still warm) piss. FML

#1349644 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (51253) - you deserved it (7432)

On 04/26/2009 at 8:55am - kids - by stephanielouisee.x (woman) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML

#1177912 (247)

I agree, your life sucks (42281) - you deserved it (17347)

On 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm - animals - by whymommywhy (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. TWICE. FML

#859604 (176)

I agree, your life sucks (54951) - you deserved it (134440)

On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792 (843)

I agree, your life sucks (228678) - you deserved it (19500)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while working at a Subway store right next to a big hospital, there was a big line of people all getting their subs toasted. Without turning around, I asked the next person in line, "I'll bet you want yours extra toasted?" She was a burns victim from the hospital. FML

#814481 (146)

I agree, your life sucks (30775) - you deserved it (56848)

On 04/05/2009 at 9:48am - work - by 00Evan (man) - Australia (Queensland)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

#761206 (480)

I agree, your life sucks (167941) - you deserved it (51054)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

#618013 (863)

I agree, your life sucks (43446) - you deserved it (360985)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)