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Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. I've been secretly taking Welsh lessons as a surprise for him, so when I was getting close, I whispered the Welsh for "Don't stop." He pulled out and accused me of cheating on him with his best friend. He won't believe anything else. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22911) - you deserved it (3338)
On 09/04/2012 at 3:54am - intimacy - by gingerbetty - United Kingdom (Swansea)
Today, I found out my friend swapped my girlfriend and probation officer's numbers in my phone. My girlfriend is wondering why I asked her permission to leave the country, and my probation officer said she can't wait to see me again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17561) - you deserved it (2585)
On 09/02/2012 at 1:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I had to force myself to take a dump at school, even though I have severe restroom anxiety and shyness. I had finally relaxed enough to go when the tornado drills went off mid-dump, and 46 students and teachers packed into the bathroom with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26055) - you deserved it (1531)
On 08/30/2012 at 1:55am - misc - by DamnTornadoAlley - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22007) - you deserved it (4117)
On 08/29/2012 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18009) - you deserved it (1781)
On 08/17/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by Sarah - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15931) - you deserved it (947)
On 08/16/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by scarredforlife - United States (Maryland)
Today, my girlfriend started a huge fight with me over how I don't have the right to have close female friends anymore. She ended up storming off, and won't return my calls. But no worries: she did just play the word "murder" in our game of Words With Friends. Very comforting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14794) - you deserved it (2269)
On 08/15/2012 at 12:17pm - misc - by larSON5 (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my boyfriend cutely climbed through my bedroom window for some sexy time. He decided he'd introduce bondage. As I was tied to the bed, completely naked, we heard the front door open. He got scared and left via the window, leaving me handcuffed to my bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22475) - you deserved it (5283)
On 08/11/2012 at 2:53am - intimacy - by dafuqdidihear (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to my girlfriend's house and caught her digging for gold. She wasn't picking her nose - she was literally trying to dig for gold in her backyard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16853) - you deserved it (1887)
On 07/12/2012 at 2:03am - love - by anidiotskeeper (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50758) - you deserved it (3669)
On 07/07/2012 at 12:45am - health - by Dammit - United States (California)
Today, I discovered that I'm adopted. How? After a great lunch, I asked my uncle how he'd made the salad dressing. He replied, "Haha! It's a secret family recipe, my dear!" I wouldn't have thought twice about it, were it not for my parents' shocked expressions, and the long, awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20649) - you deserved it (1122) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23090) - you deserved it (2204)
On 07/03/2012 at 2:22am - misc - by Dreamer (man) - United States (California)
Today, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confronted her, she claimed she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returned to our apartment and actually tried to act as if nothing had happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35079) - you deserved it (1736)
On 06/29/2012 at 9:06pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18647) - you deserved it (3827)
On 06/26/2012 at 2:05am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18762) - you deserved it (2420)
On 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm - love - by amidreaming?? (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Monday 20 May 2013
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