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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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Dreamborne's favorite FMLs
by boo8713 / 11/28/2012 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by nonbelieber / 11/25/2012 at 7:55pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML
by Username / 11/25/2012 at 6:36pm / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Miscellaneous
by lobstercola / 11/24/2012 at 11:35am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/13/2012 at 6:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML
by mm / 11/12/2012 at 12:27pm / United Kingdom (Warrington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/12/2012 at 1:14am / United States / Transportation
Today, I had to present a program to my supervisors in University. Not being a native English speaker, I used my own invented abbreviations for parameters in the program. Apparently STD is not an appropriate abbreviation for "standard deviation." I can still hear them laughing. FML
by EnglishLearner / 11/09/2012 at 11:23am / Switzerland (Zurich) / Work
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Spoilicious / 11/05/2012 at 10:58am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
by Chuffy / 11/04/2012 at 2:28am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
by ananymous / 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend and I were going through some troubles in our relationship, and she said to me, "No offense, but I really hope no other relationship I have in the future will be like this one." Some offense taken. FML
by anon / 10/31/2012 at 12:22am / United States (New York) / Love
by SadExperiment / 10/29/2012 at 8:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML
by Anonymous / 10/29/2012 at 1:59pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes… Today, I was lying in bed throwing a football in the air and catching it. I missed a catch, and the… Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand…