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Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33927) - you deserved it (6436)
On 09/11/2011 at 11:13am - misc - by CaseyFpC85 - United States (Florida)
Today, my husband compared me to his parent's dog. Why? Because when I sleep I fart and scare myself awake... Just like his parents dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19745) - you deserved it (6998)
On 09/05/2011 at 3:19pm - animals - by anonomys (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32427) - you deserved it (16291)
On 07/12/2011 at 1:09pm - misc - by couldntholdit (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to videotape his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33117) - you deserved it (4966)
On 07/03/2011 at 9:50pm - intimacy - by WasteOMoney - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39331) - you deserved it (12263)
On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)
Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39292) - you deserved it (6354)
On 03/12/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Username - United States
Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59840) - you deserved it (5172)
On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37331) - you deserved it (7338)
On 02/02/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by Malakai - United States
Today, while skiing, I really needed to pee. The instructor pointed me towards some bushes. I slid over to them, and pulled my panties down. My skis then started sliding back down the slope. I ended up gliding through the bushes, all the way down to the rest of the group. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22726) - you deserved it (6631) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/22/2011 at 3:49am - misc - by sandra22 - Sent from mobile version
Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7560) - you deserved it (23814)
On 01/20/2011 at 5:55am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27416) - you deserved it (5073) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 11:44am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - Switzerland - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37640) - you deserved it (3646)
On 09/30/2010 at 9:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36358) - you deserved it (7454)
On 03/01/2010 at 5:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said 'Nice chair.' She replied 'Nice bruise' and punched me in the nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9372) - you deserved it (35524)
On 02/01/2010 at 12:15am - love - by Liam. - Sent from mobile version
Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20907) - you deserved it (9425)
On 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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