This member hasn't filled in the description.
Today, I realised I hate my cat. She has 'stress incontinence', which involved her peeing all over my house. Last week I found out she'd been peeing on my stove, and I can't clean off the smell. Now whenever I try to cook some food, the kitchen is flooded with the scent of burning cat pee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16522) - you totally deserved it (2713)
On 11/12/2009 at 12:30pm - misc - by NotEnoughCleaner (woman) - United Kingdom (Merseyside)
Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1173) - you totally deserved it (10712)
On 11/10/2009 at 8:52pm - intimacy - by prayforme (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I received a 4 page text message from my mom explaining what she was going to do to me tonight in full detail. I am one name below her boyfriend on her contact list. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8276) - you totally deserved it (402)
On 11/01/2009 at 12:35am - intimacy - by Nomoretexting (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5529) - you totally deserved it (671)
On 10/31/2009 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by thornrose22 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10434) - you totally deserved it (2843)
On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got back from vacation and realised I still had the motel key. The key-ring has the address on it, so you can post it back to them. I drove to the postbox and posted the key. I then discovered that the motel key won't start my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9275) - you totally deserved it (22735)
On 09/23/2009 at 9:15am - misc - by fmlxxxx (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)
Today, I was in an unfamiliar building on campus and I needed to use the bathroom before class started. I walked in and saw a man at the sink. I said "Oh my god I'm sorry! I thought this was the women's washroom." It was. The very butch looking woman gave me a look of death. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26949) - you totally deserved it (6136)
On 08/31/2009 at 5:18pm - misc - by Cherie (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7342) - you totally deserved it (40652)
On 06/24/2009 at 4:44pm - work - by Whoops (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was buying an expensive pillow for my mother from a store clerk who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. After paying, I saw an elderly lady who had dropped a bag, so I walked to help. I walked back to the clerk, who refused to believe I paid. The reason? He didn't recognize my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44955) - you totally deserved it (2779)
On 06/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by doubleds (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (108882) - you totally deserved it (8822)
On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon. She accidentally emailed me informing me of the date she went on last night, including that she "got laid... yay!!" and a picture. I still don't know what chapters I'm being tested on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77132) - you totally deserved it (3533)
On 04/20/2009 at 1:12pm - intimacy - by TMI (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14226) - you totally deserved it (222046)
On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - health - by dumptaker (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46654) - you totally deserved it (6513)
On 04/12/2009 at 12:44am - kids - by cxcrktkt (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole. I got it." in plain english. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11803) - you totally deserved it (167307)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had gone to the store and bought a new wallet. 5 minutes later a security guard asks for my receipt. Turns out I had dropped my receipt. Some guy had picked it up and pretended I had stole his wallet. The guard confiscated my wallet because the guy had "his" receipt to prove it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66353) - you totally deserved it (3954)
On 03/17/2009 at 8:16am - money - by Recon (man) - Switzerland (Basel-Stadt)
