About DrJesse : I'm a bitter recovering drug addict and I'm dead inside so I use FML to laugh at other people's misery. This is not a joke.
Mobility
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Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27424) - you deserved it (5370)
On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
I agree, your life sucks (25947) - you deserved it (2361)
On 01/27/2013 at 12:57am - love - by pdub523 - United States (Texas)
Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22232) - you deserved it (3160)
On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17922) - you deserved it (2507)
On 10/14/2012 at 12:24am - intimacy - by Light Sleeper - United States (Indiana)
Today, my parents informed that the man I am going to marry made the newspaper, on page twelve. He is listed as a fugitive and there is a warrant out for his arrest. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19261) - you deserved it (2659)
On 07/25/2012 at 1:27am - misc - by strangebeans (woman) - United States
Today, a customer punched me in the face for repeating their order back to them because they thought I was making fun of their speech impediment. I have the same speech impediment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27767) - you deserved it (1293)
On 07/24/2012 at 9:37pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19639) - you deserved it (2171) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 07/05/2012 at 4:11am - misc - by FauteuilEver Alone (man) - France
Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48264) - you deserved it (2257)
On 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11988) - you deserved it (6079)
On 04/09/2012 at 11:22am - animals - by Ew. (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18477) - you deserved it (2606)
On 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by nothowtheydoitinalabama - United States (Oregon)
Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18709) - you deserved it (1214)
On 02/14/2012 at 8:28pm - kids - by MC Turtledick - United States (Washington)
Today, my alcoholic mother decided to finally check herself into rehab. She did it while drunk, and flirted with the front attendant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17077) - you deserved it (1375)
On 02/07/2012 at 4:27am - health - by anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was called an 'unhelpful little bitch' by a customer, after I informed her that we couldn't order a pair of shoes she wanted from the company in her size because it's a discontinued model. This little tirade continued for another few minutes, with her insulting me and my intelligence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17379) - you deserved it (1461)
On 02/06/2012 at 11:27pm - work - by Unhelpful (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (22913) - you deserved it (1430)
On 02/06/2012 at 12:35am - love - by hudd357mag (man) - United States
Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23283) - you deserved it (3100)
On 02/01/2012 at 3:19am - intimacy - by crybaby - United States (Oklahoma)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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