About DrJesse : I'm a bitter recovering drug addict and I'm dead inside so I use FML to laugh at other people's misery. This is not a joke.
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DrJesse's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
by NewlyDread / 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by pdub523 / 01/27/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Texas) / Love
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Light Sleeper / 10/14/2012 at 12:24am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by strangebeans / 07/25/2012 at 1:27am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/24/2012 at 9:37pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML
by FauteuilEver Alone / 07/05/2012 at 4:11am / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Ew. / 04/09/2012 at 11:22am / United Kingdom / Animals
by nothowtheydoitinalabama / 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by MC Turtledick / 02/14/2012 at 8:28pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
by anonymous / 02/07/2012 at 4:27am / United States (Nevada) / Health
Today, I was called an 'unhelpful little bitch' by a customer, after I informed her that we couldn't order a pair of shoes she wanted from the company in her size because it's a discontinued model. This little tirade continued for another few minutes, with her insulting me and my intelligence. FML
by Unhelpful / 02/06/2012 at 11:27pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by hudd357mag / 02/06/2012 at 12:35am / United States / Love
Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML
by crybaby / 02/01/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…
- Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, at daycare, a mother congratulated me for having such a kind and well-behaved little girl.… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…