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DrJesse

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DrJesse

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1027
  • Number of comments : 106
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About DrJesse : I'm a bitter recovering drug addict and I'm dead inside so I use FML to laugh at other people's misery. This is not a joke.

DrJesse's page activity

Visits<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 2:55pm<b>parkerhicks__</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 3:20pm<b>Harpy</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 5:29pm<b>MrKronos</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 2:37am<b>bewer415</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 7:41am<b>omgbrainZ</b> - the 02/21/2014 at 9:49am<b>jojof</b> - the 02/08/2014 at 3:38am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 12:19am<b>spencer314314</b> - the 11/09/2013 at 9:51pm<b>davemusty</b> - the 06/07/2013 at 3:07am<b>Unimmature</b> - the 05/31/2013 at 6:33pm<b>alice_in_mordor</b> - the 04/29/2013 at 11:49am<b>jenny919</b> - the 03/30/2013 at 11:07pm<b>ICastillo</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 9:22pm<b>perdix</b> - the 02/01/2012 at 3:23pm<b>omqz10</b> - the 07/06/2011 at 11:54am<b>manic_maniac11</b> - the 07/03/2011 at 7:18am<b>NataileeFaye</b> - the 06/18/2011 at 7:22pm

DrJesse's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of DrJesse's badges

DrJesse's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML

#20494997
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34595) - you deserved it (6694)

On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

#20480699
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31962) - you deserved it (3328)

On 01/27/2013 at 12:57am - love - by pdub523 - United States (Texas)

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29759) - you deserved it (4521)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

#20115885
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26978) - you deserved it (3849)

On 10/14/2012 at 12:24am - intimacy - by Light Sleeper - United States (Indiana)

Today, my parents informed that the man I am going to marry made the newspaper, on page twelve. He is listed as a fugitive and there is a warrant out for his arrest. FML

#19982796
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24175) - you deserved it (3135)

On 07/25/2012 at 1:27am - misc - by strangebeans (woman) - United States

Today, a customer punched me in the face for repeating their order back to them because they thought I was making fun of their speech impediment. I have the same speech impediment. FML

#19982373
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34412) - you deserved it (1865)

On 07/24/2012 at 9:37pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML

#19603084
411 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57414) - you deserved it (3106)

On 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML

#19435990
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17034) - you deserved it (8269)

On 04/09/2012 at 11:22am - animals - by Ew. (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

#19135287
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24986) - you deserved it (3210)

On 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by nothowtheydoitinalabama - United States (Oregon)

Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML

#19079229
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24474) - you deserved it (1803)

On 02/14/2012 at 8:28pm - kids - by MC Turtledick - United States (Washington)

Today, my alcoholic mother decided to finally check herself into rehab. She did it while drunk, and flirted with the front attendant. FML

#19016391
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22591) - you deserved it (2013)

On 02/07/2012 at 4:27am - health - by anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was called an 'unhelpful little bitch' by a customer, after I informed her that we couldn't order a pair of shoes she wanted from the company in her size because it's a discontinued model. This little tirade continued for another few minutes, with her insulting me and my intelligence. FML

#19014850
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22632) - you deserved it (2043)

On 02/06/2012 at 11:27pm - work - by Unhelpful (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML

#19007190
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28668) - you deserved it (2035)

On 02/06/2012 at 12:35am - love - by hudd357mag (man) - United States

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

#18966700
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29099) - you deserved it (3590)

On 02/01/2012 at 3:19am - intimacy - by crybaby - United States (Oklahoma)



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