DrJesse

Search for a member

DrJesse

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1740
  • Number of comments : 106
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About DrJesse : I'm a bitter recovering drug addict and I'm dead inside so I use FML to laugh at other people's misery. This is not a joke.

DrJesse's page activity

Visits<b>HoboRain</b> - the 04/23/2016 at 9:09pm<b>FyeahPoet</b> - the 04/04/2016 at 3:51pm<b>legendairy3000</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 6:24pm<b>bocagrove</b> - the 08/21/2015 at 3:27pm<b>mybabymaduece</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 3:33pm<b>TH_Insomniak</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 10:45pm<b>Heidrun</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 1:52pm<b>facelick</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 11:50pm<b>SaniK</b> - the 12/12/2014 at 3:05am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 2:55pm<b>parkerhicks__</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 3:20pm<b>Harpy</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 5:29pm<b>MrKronos</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 2:37am<b>bewer415</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 7:41am<b>omgbrainZ</b> - the 02/21/2014 at 9:49am<b>jojof</b> - the 02/08/2014 at 3:38am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 12:19am<b>spencer314314</b> - the 11/09/2013 at 9:51pm

DrJesse's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of DrJesse's badges

DrJesse's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML

by NewlyDread / 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

by pdub523 / 01/27/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

by Light Sleeper / 10/14/2012 at 12:24am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, my parents informed that the man I am going to marry made the newspaper, on page twelve. He is listed as a fugitive and there is a warrant out for his arrest. FML

by strangebeans / 07/25/2012 at 1:27am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer punched me in the face for repeating their order back to them because they thought I was making fun of their speech impediment. I have the same speech impediment. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2012 at 9:37pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML

by FauteuilEver Alone / 07/05/2012 at 4:11am / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML

by Ew. / 04/09/2012 at 11:22am / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

by nothowtheydoitinalabama / 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML

by MC Turtledick / 02/14/2012 at 8:28pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, my alcoholic mother decided to finally check herself into rehab. She did it while drunk, and flirted with the front attendant. FML

by anonymous / 02/07/2012 at 4:27am / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, I was called an 'unhelpful little bitch' by a customer, after I informed her that we couldn't order a pair of shoes she wanted from the company in her size because it's a discontinued model. This little tirade continued for another few minutes, with her insulting me and my intelligence. FML

by Unhelpful / 02/06/2012 at 11:27pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML

by hudd357mag / 02/06/2012 at 12:35am / United States / Love

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

by crybaby / 02/01/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy