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About DrAwesome : My friend told me that he saw a girl naked once, and I told him to prove it to me. He said that when girls take their clothes off, music starts to play out of nowhere and their bodies get darker and shine like a galaxy full of stars, and everything smells like cinnamon rolls, fresh out of the oven. I don’t know if my friend is kidding or not but he’s pretty cool so if anyone would know, it’s him. He smokes and has sunglasses and plays “Everlong” on guitar all the time. Naked girls must be really cool. Things are cool.
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Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
Friday 26 June 2015