About DrAwesome : My friend told me that he saw a girl naked once, and I told him to prove it to me. He said that when girls take their clothes off, music starts to play out of nowhere and their bodies get darker and shine like a galaxy full of stars, and everything smells like cinnamon rolls, fresh out of the oven. I don’t know if my friend is kidding or not but he’s pretty cool so if anyone would know, it’s him. He smokes and has sunglasses and plays “Everlong” on guitar all the time. Naked girls must be really cool. Things are cool.
I'm Tim.
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Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54788) - you deserved it (5426)
On 08/02/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by NoFriends - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39024) - you deserved it (20648)
On 07/25/2009 at 12:39pm - money - by re2K5 (man) - Korea Republic of (Kyongsang-bukto)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. As everything was ending, I tried to save the relationship by telling her how much I cared about her. Her response? "Please stop. You're gonna make me feel bad." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32644) - you deserved it (6026)
On 07/24/2009 at 12:18am - love - by masterofblues (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my mum called and told me she had bought me a new, white dish washer for my apartment because it doesn't have one. I was SO excited and told her I'd pay her back as soon as I could. I only had to pay her $1.25. She bought me a sponge. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33833) - you deserved it (6112)
On 07/10/2009 at 9:09pm - money - by thanksalot (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52480) - you deserved it (24843)
On 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by takinabreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66904) - you deserved it (13941)
On 07/08/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by onething (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (177085) - you deserved it (25360)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first girl he saw. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75361) - you deserved it (7518)
On 06/12/2009 at 2:39am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82661) - you deserved it (3656)
On 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (14060) - you deserved it (54966)
On 05/09/2009 at 11:48am - love - by rawkdinosawr (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62853) - you deserved it (33465)
On 05/08/2009 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by stpdaziandude (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML
I agree, your life sucks (112184) - you deserved it (9396)
On 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Oblivious (woman) - Kuwait
Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60398) - you deserved it (8245)
On 05/02/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by systeminitiated (man) - Canada
Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59738) - you deserved it (8549)
On 04/17/2009 at 3:29am - intimacy - by RotoRooter (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was eating some left over Easter peanut MandMs at work, when I exclaimed "oh cool, they have E's on them for Easter". It took me a couple of minutes, but I eventually realized that I was looking at a regular MandM sideways. Definitely explains my coworkers' uncontrollable laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9697) - you deserved it (55092)
On 04/16/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by StewPit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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