About Doxy : Currently living in my fortress of solitude err I mean awkwardness with penguins and Superman.
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Doxy's favorite FMLs
by CierraJordan / 03/14/2012 at 7:31am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by PixieWrists / 03/13/2012 at 1:33pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Health
Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2012 at 8:51am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Intimacy
Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML
by dumbfriend / 03/12/2012 at 3:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Tristansefam1367 / 03/12/2012 at 9:11am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, a guy came by my house and demanded my fiancé come out and fight. He explained that my fiancé had been stupid enough to not only troll on a local interest forum, but to leave his name and our address, inviting people to "come shut me up if you think you're tough enough." FML
by me / 03/11/2012 at 10:49pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work at a gas station kiosk, a man requested a carton of cigarettes. We keep our cigarettes on a high shelf. I'm short and very large chested so I have to jump in order to reach the carton. He said, "I only come here for the entertainment" and left without purchasing his cigarettes. FML
by aprilmay91 / 03/11/2012 at 8:38am / United States / Work
Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
by Tristan Brantley / 03/11/2012 at 3:36am / United States (California) / Love
by Major3 / 03/10/2012 at 9:16pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 9:20am / United States (New Mexico) / Love
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for our anniversary. Mid-way through the meal, a guy at the table across left for the restroom. My girlfriend reached over and swiped the guy's wallet from the table. My gonads went AWOL, and I couldn't even bring myself to call her out on it. FML
by mark / 03/05/2012 at 5:55pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horse-shit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML
by Alfie4 / 03/05/2012 at 5:30pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
by cero_kewl / 03/05/2012 at 12:12am / United States / Work
Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML
by Anonymous / 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML
by Autocorrected / 03/04/2012 at 12:02am / Philippines (Bulacan) / Love
- Today, I can't seem to get a job after going for more than 20 interviews over the last two months.… Today, I was complaining to a coworker about how my manager had changed my schedule without telling… Today while walking to the shop under the blistering African sun, I stepped on something that stuck…
- Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, my phone provider informed me that I had 12 messages waiting for me on my voicemail. Happy… Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked…