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Dojan

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Dojan
  • Town/Country : Sweden
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 11 January 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 556
  • Number of comments : 82
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Dojan's last visitors

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Dojan's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of Dojan's badges

Dojan's favorite FMLs

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68934) - you deserved it (3077)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

#20615372
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43590) - you deserved it (5011)

On 04/23/2013 at 7:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

#20583013
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40205) - you deserved it (7905)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40631) - you deserved it (4301)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

#20581032
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23625) - you deserved it (5301) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/08/2013 at 5:10pm - misc - by La Guigne - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

#20577693
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40641) - you deserved it (8116)

On 04/06/2013 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by dating walter white's gf apparently (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I tossed half a sausage to a dog sitting beside a park bench. It wasn't until he lunged for it and dragged the man beside him off of the bench that I realized it was a seeing eye dog. FML

#20552676
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24726) - you deserved it (19931)

On 03/20/2013 at 7:53pm - animals - by SolaceInRage (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

#20550602
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37627) - you deserved it (14832)

On 03/19/2013 at 8:31am - intimacy - by fredo (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't involve me at all actually. Just a Labrador. This is probably a deal breaker. FML

#20550555
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33690) - you deserved it (2456)

On 03/19/2013 at 7:30am - intimacy - by soontobesingle (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while working in childcare, we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey", the kids lost their shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML

#20550321
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26621) - you deserved it (1909)

On 03/19/2013 at 1:00am - work - by seriously! - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

#20548943
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36530) - you deserved it (9432)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:59am - intimacy - by Susan (woman) - Ireland

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

#20543737
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29151) - you deserved it (1637)

On 03/14/2013 at 6:04pm - misc - by grandson of a p.o.s. (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML

#20543312
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28382) - you deserved it (2088)

On 03/14/2013 at 10:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia

Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML

#20543064
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22412) - you deserved it (3487)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:21am - health - by Kimberpoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife finally came home from deployment. Apparently, in the military she really built up some muscle. When she saw me at the airport, she picked me up like a baby and spun me around in her arms a few times. I'm a little scared of her now. FML

#20530533
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32177) - you deserved it (6775)

On 03/04/2013 at 2:36am - love - by married to wonder woman (man) - United States (California)



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