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Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46792) - you deserved it (127949)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (86553) - you deserved it (26152)
On 04/05/2009 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by dfhgblsf (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27245) - you deserved it (96526)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my school handed out the new yearbook. I was so excited to be on the cover page in a group shot with all my friends until I realized that I was having a boner at the time the pic was taken. These books go out to the whole school. Everyone noticed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76023) - you deserved it (16286)
On 03/22/2009 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by caughtontape - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46015) - you deserved it (14324)
On 03/20/2009 at 11:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was talking to my mom about who I wanted to ask to prom. I told her the names of the girls I was thinking of asking and she replied, "They'll say no, but you can always go with one of your cousins." FML
I agree, your life sucks (52053) - you deserved it (2215)
On 03/09/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by Tony (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12789) - you deserved it (40439)
On 03/08/2009 at 3:11am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39411) - you deserved it (125363)
On 03/01/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by thissucks (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my mother told me she was going out of town this weekend. I re-assured her that I would not throw a party. She replied "Oh, like you have enough friends to do that." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35721) - you deserved it (2900)
On 02/21/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by stinker (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I found out that my parents can see a screen-by-screen of everything I say and do on my computer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43334) - you deserved it (6320)
On 02/13/2009 at 4:57am - misc - by Yazzy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (528262) - you deserved it (37925)
On 02/06/2009 at 10:29am - intimacy - by caroline (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28111) - you deserved it (5641)
On 02/01/2009 at 12:29pm - misc - by frankrizzo - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41190) - you deserved it (5329)
On 01/28/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by karma - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I went back to my flat after a night on the town and staying at my girlfriend's. My flat was flooded. I had been sick in the sink and left the tap on all night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3392) - you deserved it (14234)
On 01/23/2009 at 7:08am - misc - by Moe - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)
Today, in class, I volunteered to read a poem out loud. I accidentally said "circumcised" instead of "circumscribed". I don't think I"ll be volunteering to read anything more. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8924) - you deserved it (2494)
On 01/17/2009 at 10:49am - misc - by EpicFail - United States (New Hampshire)
Friday 24 May 2013
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