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DizzyyDee's FML badges
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Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
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DizzyyDee's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
by WTF / 10/12/2012 at 7:00pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out on his deck out back. When leaving, I heard the sliding glass door open on the upper deck, I froze in the yard to not be seen. Too bad I didn't move. Apparently his dad pees off the deck at night. I had to walk home covered in pee. FML
by monkeyzz / 10/12/2012 at 7:11am / United States (California) / Health
Today, after confronting my boyfriend about cheating on me, he confessed to everything. I was caught off guard by his honesty, but not nearly as caught off guard as I was when he eagerly questioned me on when our breakup sex will be. FML
by You're NOT getting lucky today hun / 10/12/2012 at 5:27am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
by Dino / 10/12/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2012 at 10:56pm / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML
by scaredofcutouts / 10/10/2012 at 5:44pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the surprise birthday party of an ex I still love, though I'm the one who ended things. I walked in in time to see her screaming "Yes" to her kneeling boyfriend, her parents crying and applauding, and her brothers patting him on the back. FML
by Toolate / 10/10/2012 at 4:26am / United States (Maine) / Love
by Depression... / 10/10/2012 at 2:01am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I applied for a job as a secretary. As I sat in the waiting room, the interviewer came out with his wife. She gave me a once-over, then said to her husband, "Hire this one. She's so ugly, you would never have an affair with her." FML
by caltech / 10/10/2012 at 12:15am / United States (California) / Work
by ohgod. / 10/09/2012 at 10:59pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
by cumhole / 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, a customer handed me a 100 dollar bill. He then told me that it was my tip for doing a good job. He snatched it away just as I touched it, laughed, and said, "Just kidding." He then took his money and left the store. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 9:57pm / United States (California) / Money
by fionnathehuman / 10/09/2012 at 6:56pm / United States / Kids
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…